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JackAce



Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 673
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 12:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice! Very Happy
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Dark Mirf



Joined: 22 Apr 2008
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 1:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Although not the same, but this made me think of the book series I read called Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging. Hehe.

Tenshi: Reminds me of Lewis and Clark and Indiana Jones in mix... Love it!
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2008 9:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ironic lesson for the day: Reading lots of books apparently improves your writing skills. O_o
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Rolaoi



Joined: 14 May 2008
Posts: 247
Location: The Empire in the South

PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 11:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, if I have time, I'm going to revise this some more, but I have a lot of writing that needs to be done for school and such.

The Labyrinth

Day 1
It was raining and the sun was setting when we found the temple. There were two of us: Jay and me. Because the inside was dry, and it was easier than setting up in the rain, we took shelter in there for the night. We couldnít start a fire, but our lights worked, so we sat up for several hours talking while inspecting the entrance chamber where we were. The wood was old, and every move, no matter how minute, caused the building to groan. Sometimes we would hear groans even when we didnít move. Anything made of cloth had rotted and there was still a slight odor left from that. The night was boring, but Jay played a sick joke after we went to sleep. He whispered in my ear as I slept, and then denied it in the morning.

Day 2
The rain had stopped for a few hours in the morning. We spent the time checking out a small grave-yard outside the temple. There was a grave where nothing grew. Jay looked closely at the marker, and found the name had been marked out. The grave had attracted our attention because it was alone. All the others had been in large plots where entire families were. The rain then began again just as fiercely, so we had to get back inside. Jay tripped in the mud and gave himself a cut on the solitary marker we had been so interested in. Stupid! He was lucky that I had packed the first-aid. He always forgot. During the night I was awaken by the sound of movement outside in the foliage. I woke Jay, but he was convinced it was an animal. His words calmed me slightly, but I spent an hour awake with the feeling of being watched.

Day 3
Jayís sick. His cut has swollen and he has a fever. The walk back to the ferry was over a dayís walk. I had to leave him at the temple. The rain stopped as I entered the jungle towards the river, but I was still miserably wet the whole time. I set up my tent when the night came. At noon tomorrow I should reach the ferry.

Day 4
I must have made some mistake during my hike. I found myself back at the temple. I walked inside to check on Jay before trying again. He wasnít there, but I could smell vomit from deeper inside another chamber. I found him in a corner. He was delusion, and raving. He kept mentioning a pale-lady. He was scratching himself, and there were marks were he had broken the skin. I stayed up with him during the night, but around midnight I must have fallen asleep. I woke the next morning, and Jay was gone.

Day 5
There was blood leading farther into the temple, and I follow it. It was colder inside. Being as there was no natural light, I used my flash-light to follow the sporadic drops of blood. But then it ends. I was so concerned with following that trail that I donít know where I am. I called for Jay, but there was no answer. I started to cough. I felt my forehead and it was burning. My flash-light went out. I began to hear whispers in the darkness, and something touched my hair.

Day ???
I canít tell how long Iíve been here. Iíve seen the pale-lady in the corner of my eyes. She casts a gloomy light in the darkness. When I try to sleep she whispers to me about Jay. I can feel things crawling over my skin, and I've cut myself trying to claw them off. I can see a lit door, and there are voices telling me to go through it

ÖIím scared.
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Last edited by Rolaoi on Thu Sep 04, 2008 9:16 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 1:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Erm, wow. I'm not really affected by scary stories, but that one actually kind of spooked me. Maybe I shouldn't have read that before going to bed...
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Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
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theBSDude



Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 1800
Location: The boring part of Washington

PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 4:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alright. This takes place about a century before the story I submitted last time. So... here goes.

From the journal of Marcus Antony. Original text in Italian, with American-English translation (provided by the author at the time of writing) in the margins.

June 6th, age 8
Today I foundÖwhat? What is she? What do I call her? Pet isnít right. Companion impliesÖ things.
Her name is Petra. I guess that will have to do.

I was right outside the playground fence when she found me, bruised & bloodied. Robots of her variety are not to be near schools, but I could see no sign of any master or client, and she was obviously damaged. She shied away as I approached her, but didnít run: she knew I wasnít human and wouldnít harm her.
ďPlease,Ē she said. Over and over, just the one word. I doubted she knew much more Italian. I spoke to her in English, after French and German prompted only looks of confusion. She still didnít speak, aside from ďPlease,Ē now in English with a poorly-programmed American accent, communicating only by nods & headshakes. Moving her to a grove of trees to avoid the suspicion of police and human adults, I very carefully converted my magic to electricity for her nanites, allowing them to repair her wounds. Once she was sufficiently repaired, I brought her here to my workplace, careful not to alert Mother; poor woman wouldnít understand.
Petra is asleep. Her bruises lead me to suspect internal damage, perhaps beyond the capacity of her simple immune system. While Iím at it, I might as well do something about her ridiculously huge breasts. Theyíre causing problems for balance, movement, and energy efficiency. Iíll see about voice modulation, too.
One canít be too careful with a Ďbot of this kind.

---------------------

June 7th, early morning
I was right about the modulation.
Petraís vocabulary was mostly limited to high-volume groans and shrill cries; she nearly woke Mother.
She (Petra) is back asleep. Iím just starting on her modifications; her injuries were worse than Iíd guessed. I suppose it makes sense that her nanites are programmed to reduce bruising.
Itís an oversight that this isnít a crime. I canít imagine that the kind of person who can do this to a robot would have any problem assaulting a human.

Tomorrow Iíll see what I can do about Petraís volcabulary.

---------------------

June 8th
Petra is doing well. Iím very busy.

---------------------

June 9th
Personal Note- Today, Mother told me about the androids the Japanese are training. Iíll have to try to meet some of them.

Petra is reading right now: C.S. Lewis, I think. Sheís confident in speech, but insists on an American accent; her Italian is imperfect, but sheís progressing well.
Iíve been exposing her to magicóher level of consciousness increases rapidly.

---------------------

June 10th
I called Jule this afternoon about Petra. She confirmed my suspicions.

---------------------

June 11th
This is it. Petra has built in capacity every time Iíve given her magic, and sheís now producing magic on her own. Jule warned me not to wait; Iím cutting it close as it is. Today, Iíll push Petra over the edge, into complete sentience. I have to prepare.
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TheBSDude, dubbed 'BS' by Asa and nicknamed 'Thebes.'
Keeper of the Tristam, The Amazing Non-Emo Vampire!(tm) and a Massive List of Webcomics.

"I'm like a ninja with no hopes or dreams." --Wally of Dilbert
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JackAce



Joined: 01 Jun 2008
Posts: 673
Location: 53į04'N 8į53'E

PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 6:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

One week left...

...and we're still waiting for two entires.
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Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 8:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wish to apologize to those of you who have submitted an entry already for the lack of critique from me. I was having trouble thinking of an idea for this, so I decided not to read your stories until I had some idea of what I'm writing. Now my entry is just about finished, so I can comment on yours a bit. =)

Tenshi - awesomesauce. I love it when stories have such a wide scope, and that's hard to pull off in a short story. Now I wonder what happened to humanity....and I wonder what sort of life the survivors could make for themselves in New York. Without technology, how does one survive in a city of metal?

Rolaoi - interesting, for sure. I can't say I was very creeped out by it, but I never am. I have a few issues with the writing, especially day 5. Which tense are you using, exactly? It keeps jumping between past and present. And I find the ending of day 5 very strange. You'd think the protagonist would add something about going back, no?
I like the last entry, though. ^_^ Appropriately creepy.

Thebes - the story is interesting, but what happens at the end? It's terribly unclear. Why are there no more entries? Did Petra do something to Marcus after rising to sentience, or did you just randomly choose to end the journal there?


You can expect my entry tonight.
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theBSDude



Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 1800
Location: The boring part of Washington

PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 3:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

@Tam: I couldn't decide how to end it, so I just left off the last entry. I meant to ask whether you guy thought it needed a better conclusion, but I forgot. Anyway, here it is.

Journal of Marcus Antony, cont.

June 14th
I'm not sure what I expected exactly, but it wasn't this. She's given me a nickname. Ash, after the robot in the movie Alien. She refuses to call me by my name, insisting "Ash is much nicer." I don't understand why, but she seems to get a kind of perverse pleasure from annoying the <expletive scratched out> out of me.
Other than that, no problems at all. She's read an English, Italian, and German dictionary, downloaded the archives of the American Film Institute, and learned the rules & controller mapping of every game since the 21st century. Her accent is correct, now.
As I'm writing this, Petra is pestering me to let her read this journal. I might as well let her; I'll never hear the end of it otherwise.
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...In accordance with the prophesy.

TheBSDude, dubbed 'BS' by Asa and nicknamed 'Thebes.'
Keeper of the Tristam, The Amazing Non-Emo Vampire!(tm) and a Massive List of Webcomics.

"I'm like a ninja with no hopes or dreams." --Wally of Dilbert
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Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 5:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

2/7 (two primes, separated by a prime)

I can't believe it! Literally. I've dreamed for so long of making a meaningful scientific discovery that my mind can't seem to accept that it's actually happening. It's all thanks to Joanna, really, her ideas on nonlinear oscillatory systems gave us the push forwards we needed. Letting her join the team was the best decision I've made in a long while....
But even if I don't believe it, this really might be it. We've managed to use zero-point energy to get two hydrogen nuclei to a distance of only a few hundred femtometers. If we succeed in overcoming the EM force entirely, and bring the two nuclei together, then we have it. Cold fusion! I will be remembered forever as the man who handed humanity free energy. Forget Einstein, it was Doener who saved the planet! I can almost taste it. We're so close, so close....


8/7 (The only Fibonacci cube and its aliquot sum)

Not much extra progress over the last few days. We're mostly analyzing data from the last experiment, and looking for ways to improve the system. Ordinarily, this wouldn't bother me, but I'm frustrated by the pace we work at. With the carrot dangling in front of me, how can I not run forwards? At least I have people helping me. The (nonexistant) lord only knows how slow this would be if I worked alone.


11/7 (The senary and decimal representations of the first Woodall number)

I'm frustrated beyond belief - Joanna and Galen are apparently dating. We're standing at the brink of the greatest scientific discovery ever, don't they understand that? Worse, they DO understand that. How could they be wasting this valuable time with such stupidity? Now, instead of working as they used to, they spend half their time eyeing each other. And something tells me the work they ARE doing is going to be sub par. How could they do this to me now?


14/7 (The multiple of all three digits divides by both numbers)

Joanna's last progress report was useless. The only reason I'm not throwing her out is because I know she's got a brain in there somewhere, if forgotten. My best attempts at focusing my rogue assistants have yielded nothing... I tried separating their hours, but that was inefficient because they have too much data to send back and forth. I tried placing some large equipment between their desks, but then they just found excuse after excuse to sit at the other's desk. So it seems that, as usual, I'm going to have to do this on my own. But that means more work and a slower pace, so I'd like to avoid it if possible...


17/7 (17 is the 7th prime)

I've given up trying to motivate those fools. If they think their romance is more important than our work, then so be it. Not that it matters, this whole project is mine. I don't need their help.


22/7 (Read that one as math and it gives you a nice approximation of pi)

The project has picked up speed once again, what with me doing almost all the work, and that seems to have caught the attention of the lovers. I've succeeded in narrowing the space between the nuclei to 79 femtometers in the latest experiment. It's only a matter of time...


24/7 (Sum and difference both prime)

Joanna approched me today, and told me she thinks we should wait with this project. She spewed some ridiculous nonsense (is there such a thing as non-ridiculous nonsense?) about possible chain reactions, and said the experiment wasn't safe. I don't understand what's gotten into her. Obviously we need to finish this. Is she scared of failure? Of success? Or does she want to steal this project and complete it before me?


25/7 (The digits of the former are the two primes that add to make the latter)

Joanna has Galen backing her up now. They pestered me all day long, trying to convince me to put the project on hold. But it won't do them any good, I can see the truth in their eyes. They would steal my life's work, take away the glory that is rightfully mine. They are leeches. Why did I even hire them? I could have done this on my own, I don't need them.


26/7 (26 is the 7th distinct biprime)

I've kicked out my assistants, and am once again working alone. All is as it should be. The latest experiment brought the space down to 44 femtometers, and soon that number will be a round round zero. No distractions anymore.


30/7 (The unity of the prime factors are the first four primes)

I would have thought my assistants would have given up after I fired them, but it seems they are more persistant than I gave them credit for. I got a call today from Sergei Poltov, who was apparently contacted by them. He told me that I ought to reconsider the project, that it's dangerous, even apocalyptic. He said if I succeed, I will create a chain reaction that will flow through the whole planet, exploding anything and everything. I don't know what those idiots said to an expert like Sergei to make him argue for them, but I figure they must have offered him money. They know that if they beat me to the punch, they will be richer than they ever dreamed. But their ruse will not work, for I am no fool. I'm mostly just sad for Sergei, whom I once considered a friend. Amazing how easily people will turn on you. Down to 23 femtometers.


2/8 (No time to think of a significance!)

My last experiment got the distance down to 5 femtometers. This is it. Just one more modulation, and I should have it. I'll show them! I'll show the world free energy, and I'll show my former colleagues that they are fools. I'll shut up all their talk of doom and destruction. All day today my phone rang, but I didn't pick it up. Someone even came to my lab, and banged on the door when I wouldn't let him (or her) in. I laughed at them. Their sad intellects just can't compete with me. My dream is about to come true! I'm sleeping in the lab tonight, and by tomorrow, victory will be mine.





Scientific crap:
There's no way zero-point energy can be used for cold fusion. o_0 That just makes no sense. In fact, zero-point energy can't really be used to do anything. But it does sound cool.
The rest of the stuff is vague enough that it could kinda sorta make sense. =) A bit. Also helpful is the fact that I don't know much subatomic physics.
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 6:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You know, I could almost put these stories in a chronological progression. Interesting...
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. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 6:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm, there's something to that. Only Rolaoi's story doesn't fit. And I think the scientist in my story created a bit more destruction than your story and Thebes' describe. XD
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 6:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Depends. Rolaoi's story fits perfectly. Consider: Who's to say that zero point energy and cold fusion and whatnot will react as predicted? If we're going with a fantasy story, all we have to do is create something worthy of reading. Not something that could ever realistically happen.

Your scientist fellow created something alright... At "zero point" cold fusion, he unraveled the normally stable worlds of Space and Time. What once were fantastic illusions or mass dementia were now reality. Spirits roamed freely, entire cities of people were swallowed up, plagues swept the world, famine and death crept across the entire planet like a blanket.

In a desperate attempt to create some sort of "cure", we enter to Thebes story. This, of course, creates it's own set of problems. From the search for the cure to humanity's willful destruction of the world, only more destruction was born. This time, it was mostly on humanity.

In another remote part of the world, Rolaoi's story unfolds. A search for clues or an answer, that maybe the ancient civilizations would have foretold this or would somehow have encountered it before?

And then, nearly a millenia after the event, the last remnants of humanity are searching for the pieces of a world they never knew. Grasping at something they'll never understand, they fill in the blanks with fantastic stories that make humanity look like deities all their own.

...Yeah, okay, I'm going to go to sleep now before I make up any more goofy stuff. ¨_¨
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Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 2141
Location: England

PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 7:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm probably going to miss the deadline due to logistical problems. Might be able to get something up later this morning or in the afternoon before the 20th but if I can't you don't need to wait for me. ^_^;
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Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 8:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmm, I suppose you could make that work, 'shi. It'd make for a very unusual story, but it would work.

Hey, you know what we need to do in a WG (or something else)? Create a world, and have each person tell a story in that world in some time or other. Then you put them together and have a cool long story! =D
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