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Allicat



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 1384
Location: Land of the troll.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 9:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah! Asa, you've said what I've been wrestling with for ages.

Usa, you remind me of my brother so much sometimes. He has this superiority complex too. Expecting yourself to be above such human mistakes is arrogant. No one is perfect, all we can do is see the mistakes and learn from them. Anything less would be stupid, anything more would be superhuman, and not making the mistakes in the first place would be divine.

Learn from it and forgive yourself, you'll do far more good that way.
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 11:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alli, your brother and I do share a few traits. I don't know if I mentioned that before in PMs, actually. Hm.

I know I'm arrogant, foolish, have a superiority/martyr complex, and so on. Razz I don't hold anyone else to my ridiculous self-standards, and I've been told by several people that it's actually intimidating. Perhaps, though, it's more fear than guilt that drives me.

Okay, story time.

Lots of people like to tell me how good of a person I am, but I am that person because of a conscious effort I've made over the past years. I've made that effort out of guilt, if I'm honest. When I was far younger, I did some things to get by that I'm not terribly proud of. What haunts me, literally follows me into dreams and catches me when I'm thinking and alone, are the people that I hurt. Some of them will never be remembered by anyone. Some of them only survive in my memories. I was the only one left who both could and would take responsibility for how things ended. How they ended. Things. >_> I don't like saying it, heh. It's been over a decade.. They're dead, and I'm the only person left to remember them. And I had a hand their death, when I could have done something. I was young, and I was afraid, and so I did nothing, and that is unacceptable to me. If I'd taken on the potential risk to myself (which was merely punishment), I could have done something differently - maybe saved their life, even. Reasons don't justify it. Understanding doesn't soften it. I made bad decisions, and someone got hurt so badly that they could never, ever recover. I haven't forgiven myself for that yet. I don't know when, or if, I ever will.

Asa, there's a reason Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur were my instant favorites. Razz People are judged on Rosh Hashanah, and both the wicked and the just are sealed immediately, but the "middling" sort are given ten days - until Yom Kippur - to make amends. Regardless of what happens, regardless of where you line up, Yom Kippur begins the next year. Sort of a blank slate. I can't do that myself, but the idea of that.. quite appealing.

As for the thoughts about being superhuman and all that, my life's goal has long been perfection. I figure I'll fall short, but even so I'll make it pretty high up before I do. Ah, a quote..

"On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain. Either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow." - Friedrich Nietzsche
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. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
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Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 11:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Usa wrote:
...I am that person because of a conscious effort I've made over the past years.

(That's the exact thing that makes you good...)


Usa, I don't know if you'll ever really be able to believe us when we tell you that. And the more people who don't truly know you tell you that, the harder it will be. You're too steeped in your own past to objectively look at your present and future and see how bright they are. Trust us when we say, "This is what we believe," and keep working at what you're doing. We promise it's the same thing.
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Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 2141
Location: England

PostPosted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 11:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm tidying the house because a repair man is coming tomorrow. Calling it tidying's a misnomer. Tidying serves a purpose in making things easier to find, easier to use, easier to live with. It's the implementation of a system planned around how people live. You start putting everything into giant unsearchable boxes and draws that are stuffed with years of letters they never threw out, you're not tidying. You're just hiding the mess.

And a couple of days later the mess will be back out again because it's the only way people can live with it, the 'tidying' just makes things impossible to search through or get to easily. Hence why their clothes are thrown all over the house on every available chair, and draped across the floor in their room. Because rather than going through the giant boxes that's the only way they can find anything.

Edit: That's more or less the end of the content portion of the post. You may as well skip the next bit if you don't just want to make yourself feel bleh ^^;

No wonder their house looks like a bomb-site all the time. I remember when they were knocking a wall through and throwing the rubble down the stairs - huge chunks missing from the stairs where they did it. His father, an architect, looking on aghast....

They've lived here for more than twenty years. They've added things themselves, and the mess has just got worse and worse the more they've done.

Everything they've ever touched has turned to crap.
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3532
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 11:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sad

Cookies? Hugs? I'm sorry that I can't do anything to make it better. I wish I could.
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 12:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, they've done one thing right at least. They have a pretty awesome son.

In terms of the living situation... I know people like that. I've lived with that sort of mess, and it's difficult if that's not naturally how you function. I suppose in that way, I'm fortunate. My folks are so insistent on putting up a good show that things are at least tidy.... in the habitable areas of the house. Our basement? You have to crawl over things. I'm not even exaggerating.

Hang in there, Nem. Keep hoping for the someday, for that point in the future where you'll be able to take off on your own and live life by your rules and decisions.
_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 2141
Location: England

PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 8:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*Hugs* ^_^

Thanks folks. I don't really have much to say other than that. t'was an unaccountably difficult day yesterday for no objective reason I can think of. Not like it's not like that all the time, and most of the time you can just - blank it.

But yes, thanks! It helped ^_^
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Gazing at flowers.
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Allicat



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 1384
Location: Land of the troll.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 14, 2012 4:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bit late to the game, but hugs for you Nem. It's not fun living with someone who has a different lifestyle to you. I hope you can find something else soon.
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Keeper of the fallen leaves. 'Cos they're still pretty.
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 12:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Reddit is practically alive with the Israel/Palestine situation right now (in addition the the usual cat pictures, but I spend a lot of time in the politics subreddit). I was actually complimented on holding a somewhat balanced, non-hateful view, despite having friends in the area. I've had friends in the area for a long time.. From my teenage best friend first sending me a letter back from Afghanistan that began with "So that's what a mortar going over your head sounds like" to the current situation, with two equally close/good friends literally in harm's way..

All I want is for it to stop. I hate hatred. I loathe loathing. I think this cycle of blood letting isn't going to save anyone or reclaim anything, it's just going to hemorrhage the world until everyone and everything we might've actually been fighting to save isn't isn't able to survive any longer. >_>
_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 2141
Location: England

PostPosted: Sun Nov 18, 2012 6:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

As things stand at the moment we're talking people who fall down stairs and die numbers rather than World War numbers. Even when it was Cold War proxies going at each other it didn't get anywhere near that bad. Not saying it's a barrel of laughs for anyone - though I know which side I'd rather be on - but if the world seems unusually hopeless, it's probably worth remembering that mosquitoes are vicious little things and mosquito netting is cheap. And, hey, thousands of people die all the time from things that are relatively easily remedied - like horrible diseases and lack of clean drinking water. So, it's possible to vest your hope in more productive ventures and in ways that aren't quite so subject to the foibles of relatively unstable regions.

... I guess the other version of that is: When it's all that's on the news the warm fuzzies may be in short supply... and there are simple things people can and do do all the time that help offset this sort of thing but don't get much airtime. ^^;
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We stroll along the roof of hell
Gazing at flowers.
- Issa
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
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Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 2:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

...For you all. I have a slightly different perspective. Really, the only reason more people aren't dead is because the IDF is so very good at protecting us. If Hamas and the Palestinians win, we all die. If Israel wins, the Palestinians will probably be moved somewhere else. They have been perfectly clear about what they really want, which is to destroy Israel and wipe its citizens off the map. So far, all Israel has done is agree to peace talks and compromises, which were then broken or warped by Hamas. Hamas has constantly made statements about 'when they win', Israel never. They fire hundreds of rockets every day, we shoot the rockets out of the air instead of returning equal fire. They want a war - we want peace. They've just learned to use the same 'peace' words for their own ends.

Yes - in the world media, it's just a bunch of people blowing a few deaths out of proportion. I KNOW that's how it's being portrayed. It's very different than that, and sometimes I feel like Sisyphus trying to make people understand that.
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Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 2141
Location: England

PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 9:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's difficult to see what any Palestinian who wanted peace could do. The terrorists have all the guns and all the connections, they run the government for crying out loud. And there are a lot of very young people there, who've been growing up in what's essentially a giant slum on various sources of propaganda. Heck, even if Hamas wanted to stop fighting, I don't see how they'd get the other factions to go along with it. So, it's very difficult to get any real idea of who wants what and why. It's also rather difficult to see what the Palestinians have left but war - it must be a very soul sucking, boring place to live; the devil makes work for idle hands, as the saying goes.

On the other hand, the Jews can't exactly go anywhere because - well, they've sort of got a country there now, they can't exactly all hop on the next 747 to Canada. And the Palestinians can't go anywhere because - well, who would take them? The Arab league, Europe? Don't see that happening. Arabs have never been for the Palestinians, they've just been against Israel. A Palestinian and a Jew get into a fight, who wins? The Egyptian. (More generally anyone in the area who stays out of it and funds one side until the other runs down.)

The only solutions I see to this that don't involve disposing of the entire population on one side or the other, don't seem to have the political will present. If you want to break up a slum, you seem to have to go in and dilute the population into a larger population. Anytime a group gets together in one place and keeps near enough purely their own company... that never really seems to work out very well for anyone. It was certainly one of the strategic mistakes we made in Northern Ireland for a long time.

#

As for the current conflict. In my opinion, Israel probably hit most of the worthwhile targets in the first couple of days. Ehud Barak, IIRC, wanted to halt operations last time after a few days, and it makes sense that they'd hit the high-priority things first. The media here - or at least the parts of it I see - generally been quite quiet on account of the relatively low death toll involved in that. But, if they go in with troops or continue the attacks for the next week, I think that's probably going to change.

It doesn't help Israel's image any that Hamas is generally seems to be seen in the West as the moderating influence in Palestinian internal politics.
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Never forget,
We stroll along the roof of hell
Gazing at flowers.
- Issa
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3532
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 10:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

True true and true, but Hamas is definitely not a moderating force. Overall though, I agree with you. What we'd like to happen isn't necessarily what is possible in the real world.
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 2:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So, why I'm moving and having issues with my family and so on:

What happened was that I had gone through the semester, budgeting perfectly what I needed to get through. I didn't have a job this semester, as I'm still recovering from the spinal surgery over the summer. I didn't want to overdo it. Anyway, I budgeted so that I had enough to buy my son's plane ticket when he flies in this December (about $900), and I had enough to take the trip to NYC (about $600 total spent). My folks offered that they would pay back $200 of my son's plane ticket, since it was a large amount and since, well, they wanted to see him too. I agreed, and (rather against my nature) assumed to have that money when I went on budgeting toward the end of the year.

Since the NYC trip ended up happening over a weekend in which lower Manhattan was underwater, my parents were furious. To me, they raved about how unsafe it was, how I was going to get mugged/shot/stabbed/killed/kidnapped/etc. NYC was eye opening to me because I saw just how far prejudice had crept up on me, and was happy to do away with it in the first couple of days. No one there was a "bad character" that I saw, some shady salesmen on the corner and all, but no bad characters. I had told my folks about this trip before, so I was kind of confused why it was a huge deal... especially when my brother reported that all they were ranting about at home was the money. Again, I'd not asked for any money at all for this trip or during the semester, and had been offering to help them with money before that point. They kept refusing.

So anyway, I get back in town, and we're not on speaking terms. Frustrating, but alright. Given how livid they were, I consoled myself by the fact that my PC hadn't been left out in the rain or something.

It was that week that they announced they would be taking a trip during Thanksgiving week. They were going to the beach with some friends. The kicker? They were taking the $200 from my son's plane ticket, and the $325 from my brother's car insurance, and using that as their beach money.

I'm a frugal person. I get by on about $50/wk. To that end, the last three weeks of the semester were budgeted with that $200 in mind. I've depleted my savings up to this point paying for the surgery, because that's kind of important. So, down to $1.77 in my bank account, I've been sleeping in the campus library during the week and showering in the recreation center (the gym/sports complex, etc). Duffel bag in the car, so on and so forth. I can get by in almost any situation. That's what I do, I survive. But I really do not like doing it. By the end of the week I'm exhausted, hungry, and ready to pass out on top of the first decent meal I see.

So, next semester, I'm not going to put myself in a position like this again. I can trust myself, so that's who (and what) I will trust in.
_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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Tinu.



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 3690
Location: The land of dreams

PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 4:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*hugs* Sorry to hear about that, Usa. I hope next semester is better for you--being on your own is often the better choice.

I will never understand why adults feel they have to act like children, though. Oo;
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