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Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 1:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Asa wrote:
That's one of the great things about the forum, I think. How supportive we all are of each other. ^_^

Aw, how sweet. Virtual group hug! Razz
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 2141
Location: England

PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 2:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bleh. Folks asking whether they got what they 'deserved' from their kids. I tend to think if you're that strongly entangled with a thing you can only ever get what you deserve from it. It's not like you couldn't have seen it coming.

Listening to my parents talking to my sister, telling her she's got a very selfish attitude.... Tch. You don't even bother to talk to your wife when she's speaking to you.... Securing your authority in our youth by simple appeal to your wealth. Or, hey, what about the time neither of you spoke to us for weeks because we shared one of your viewpoints with the other? Or the time you didn't like a house that the other one liked and had the architect fake up something was wrong with it to try and avoid the discussion?

I could list more examples you've taught over the years, but the flavour's adequately established, I think. Reap what you sow.

And then, once she'd gone to turn around and ask me whether you got what you deserved.... Well. I think only the fact Nem's believes humans are strongly causally determined saved you from a rather nasty answer there. He certainly felt like he should be giving one even if he didn't say it to you.
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Allicat



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 1391
Location: Back in the Shire.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 9:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think this goes in here, although it's more musing than venting, but I feel it needs to be said.

An acquaintance of mine from my old work just posted a photo of herself and a mutual friend on facebook with the caption "I've been trying very hard not to do this, but I'm shaking with rage and upset and just want to share this picture of me and my cheating b**** of an ex - friend [insert mutual friend here] who was busy behind my back with my total d***head of a now very ex boyfriend whilst I thought life was wonderful and we would be so happy together forever. The end."

I knew the d***head ex-boyfriend too and suddenly he seems a lot less attractive. Although certain things now make more sense.

I don't quite know what she was hoping to achieve here. Catharsis? Revenge? Humiliation? All of the above? What she has achieved is airing her private life on a public forum with people she has a professional relationship with. Facebook was created initially as a social network, but has in some cases become a place to network and form connections within a professional capacity. I know the acquaintance in question has many professional contacts on her friend list, as has the ex-friend and the ex-boyfriend and this could be potentially damaging to all three.

I have a rule. Never do anything I would be ashamed to put on facebook. And if something like this does happen, make sure it doesn't go on facebook. I have bad photos, I've made bad decisions, but photos I can laugh off and decisions I can learn from. I wouldn't air my private life in this way. That's why I haven't made my relationship status public, that's why my facebook updates are about being ambushed by moose and helping a friend recover stolen property and that is why all my photos remain tagged. I feel if I can't bear to leave them tagged then they shouldn't be up there in the first place.

If you couldn't bear to have your Mum see the stuff on facebook, you shouldn't let anyone see it.
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Tinalles
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Joined: 22 Mar 2008
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Location: Grand Forks

PostPosted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 12:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, that doesn't seem like a good idea.

I have a rule, too: never post anything on Facebook. I've got an account, which I check religiously (once per year) to take away any permissions the company has granted itself to use my personal information (what little they've got of it) in the meantime.
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 2141
Location: England

PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 10:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

New Law that looks very likely to be passing in Tennessee:

Quote:
This bill prohibits the state board of education and any public elementary or secondary school governing authority, director of schools, school system administrator, or principal or administrator from prohibiting any teacher in a public school system of this state from helping students understand, analyze, critique, and review in an objective manner the scientific strengths and scientific weaknesses of existing scientific theories covered in the course being taught, such as evolution and global warming.


http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/badastronomy/2012/03/22/tennessee-legislature-boldly-sets-the-science-clocks-back-150-years/

O_o

I just.... I don't want to live on this planet anymore. Can I go to the sane-people planet? It was a nice vacation in crazy-land, for a while, but really - the joke's over people.

I mean, how can people write that sort of stuff? Carte blanche to criticise. You've created a fully general defence for whatever they want to say >_<!!!

You're intentionally propagating untruths. How can you be okay with that? Isn't there supposed to be something in your religion about - oh I don't know... NOT lying? Don't you think it rather rapes the spirit of that to deform attempts people have made to understand the universe? Yes, maybe?

Sorry, sorry. I'm gonna go stew in the corner for a while >_> This sort of thing's happened before as a way to get creationism into schools. It's just... blah!
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Tinu.



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 3690
Location: The land of dreams

PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*Offers soothing tea*

I think the key, here, is that they don't see it as an untruth--for whatever reason.

I'm not terribly surprised by this, all things considered. There's a move in Christianity (not that I'm expressly attacking the religion--that would be weird since I belong to it--but let's face it. It's Tennessee, they're in the Bible Belt. What else would this be about?) these days to not think critically and to not use your brain at all. Forget the fact that doubting and asking questions is actually biblical, and blind faith isn't necessarily. Though it's a little too easy to interpret the bible to say whatever you want it to say, so I will refrain from doing so.

That being said: This annoys me greatly.

Though, I have to say that when I was in public school, I always wished that they would teach other things along with the theory of Evolution. If nothing else at least it would have made class more interesting--not to mention that it's kind of nice to hear other people's viewpoints, even if you happen to think that viewpoint is crazy. the more you understand about someone and their views and what makes them tick, the better equipped you are to deal with them.

I'm still annoyed, though. Why can't they offer alternate classes, for people who are really getting their underwear in a knot about it? Rolling Eyes

And this is the hate part of my love/hate relationship with where I live.
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Tinalles
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Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1630
Location: Grand Forks

PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 2:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tips on Annoying a Tin Man

Step 1: Tell me to put "as much detail as possible" into my bug report.

Step 2: Make your bug report form refuse any submission with more than 250 characters.

Step 3: Done.
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 2141
Location: England

PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 3:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

@ Nu': Thanks ^_^ -sips tea-

I think I wouldn't have very much problem with it, if they didn't try to put it in science class. If it was just of the nature of, this is what this group of people believe; one faith among many, etc - rather than a claim about something solid that you can go out and look at and work out. The UK has P.S.H.R.E. (Physical Social Health and Religious Education) classes and, while a bothersome way to waste a few hours, they're not that bad.

The only issue I hear about that some religious people have with those is when they exclude their children from the class. Because they don't want them learning about other faiths. Which seems a bit sour grapes Wink

@Tin: Yeesh - uni feedback forms were like that most of the time. I assume they just want to be able to discount things as insufficient feedback.

Reminds me of some advice I saw for IT people getting raises a while back. Essentially: Wait until it goes catastrophically wrong to fix it. The guy who keeps the system ticking over well is invisible, the guy who fixes it when it goes wrong is a hero.

-shakes head-

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/03/21/how_to_get_paid_more/
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Tinu.



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 3690
Location: The land of dreams

PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 2:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

@ Nem: My view on that was always that if you've raised your kid to be religious and you don't think they're grounded enough in their faith by the time they're a teenager to hear other viewpoints calmly and with an open mind than you did a bad job raising your child. There was some sort of freak-out here when the movie The Golden Compass came out. Something about indoctrinating children with atheism or some such nonsense. Really? If your kids don't know enough about the world or their religion that a movie will change their minds than I think you've got other things to worry about.

I will stop critiquing people's parenting styles, now. >>;;
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 2141
Location: England

PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 11:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Please provide five years worth of references supporting what you've been doing - with no gap larger than 28 days.

We're sorry, you can't have the job because when you were 17 you didn't work during the summer holiday leading up to your going to university. Evil or Very Mad

It's possible I can find some voluntary work I was doing at the time and somehow convince someone from back then to give me a reference but.... Really, how many people have references from random people they barely knew when they were 17?

Tch.

In other news: Parents really suck. There are so many little things that anyone who's had a job knows but they don't tell you. Like note down the dates of important things, get references even from people you don't think anyone will ever care about....

The way they speak the only thing anyone's ever going to care about is your qualifications - and everything else you might do is just an optional extra. And that's so manifestly the opposite of the truth when you get down to it.

Still, at least I can actually think nowadays. Even if we couldn't in the past. You don't notice how dreadfully impaired your thinking is until it's not as impaired anymore.
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Allicat



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
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Location: Back in the Shire.

PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 2:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Continued from Today thread:

Ok, so. My brother has been primarily diagnosed with a form of PTSD, based mostly on his descriptions of the attacks he gets. Apparently there doesn't need to be a single event to trigger PTSD, so it's a possibility. Anywho, the nearest specialist in these matters is settled a good three hour drive from my folks' place. It's easier all round if he can get a train from the nearest big town, but this is still an hour away. Fortunately Brother has an old friend who stays in said town and has agreed to let Brother stay with him on the days when he has appointments.

This is where the ranting begins.

Brother's Friend has a girlfriend living with him, who initially agreed to allowing Brother to stay, but as the weeks have gone by has been getting more and more antsy about it. I can understand, Brother isn't the easiest of people to live with (and that's from me, who would die for him) but instead of talking to Brother or even Brother's Friend about it she has just been making life difficult for Brother's Friend.

Some background. Brother and Friend have known each other for 20 years. Friend owns the flat he lives in, as well as his own business on the lower floor. He's an extremely hardworking guy (an average of 10 hours a day). Girlfriend has a job (I didn't ask what it is) but I get the impression she doesn't think Friend's job is 'real'. Sure he's made a living doing what he loves, but he is making a living. He's maintaining a business and a home on his own. She doesn't pay rent so all her money goes on food and things she wants. Brother was paying rent so was actually helping Friend out.

So poor Friend is stuck between Girlfriend giving him a hard time (to a physical extent sometimes) and asking Brother to move out. In the end he did ask Brother to leave, and Brother is back in with Parents full time and looking for a different solution. My problem is with poor Friend. I've been in his situation before, and I have utmost sympathy for him. The difference is, as soon as Boyfriend asked me to choose between him and Friend, he became Ex-Boyfriend. That was the only option for me, but I know it's not so easy as all that.

I've known Friend for almost as long as Brother, and he deserves so much better than [insert rude Norsk word here] Girlfriend, but Brother thinks she's worn him down so much he doesn't believe he deserves better. He might be stuck with her, and that's tough to see.

So, forum buddies, if you've stuck with me this long, is there anything I can do? Should I contact Friend and let him know I sympathise? Maybe give him someone to talk to who is a bit removed from the situation (if only by distance)? Or would that do more harm than good?
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Ravenna



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 637
Location: Toward The Terra

PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 3:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My concern would be from what you said, there is possibly DV going on. It sounds like there is definitely psychological abuse going on.

Since no-one under the age of 18 is involved, it would be difficult to call this in officially in terms of safe-guarding. If you feel comfortable approaching Friend and talking with him cordially, I would recommend that highly. He may have isolated himself, and feel that he has no support, so a friendly message might do him some good.

In the meantime, I'd recommend having a look through Mankind's website, as it specialises in giving support to male victims of domestic abuse and may have tips or an FAQ that can help you more than I can. All the best to both your brother and his friend; I hope that things turn out positively for both of them.
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
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Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 5:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alli, that's definitely a tough situation. Ravenna seems like she knows what she's talking about, so I won't offer advice (since I don't know what I"m talking about), but I do offer support and sympathy. It's tough when you see something wrong and don't know how to fix it.
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Allicat



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 7:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks guys, that's really helpful and I'll definitely have a look at the site.
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 9:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

@Alli: Your situation, I used to be in it. I honestly don't have any advice to offer, because the only way I got out of it was when the woman had enough and left. Granted, that happened immediately after I developed enough spine to question her authority and absolute unquestionable rule. She left the next morning with our infant son and her eleventh boyfriend. *wry smile*

All I can say is good luck... I hope his ending is better than mine.

Okay, regarding my health situation:

In a nutshell, I'm basically just working my way toward paraplegia. My lower spine has compressed my spinal cord so thoroughly by narrowing of the canal that the nerves, the dural space, and all that rather fragile, rather important stuff is bulging from every disc in my lumbar down. Since I've already lost almost all feeling and much of the function in my legs (and now spread up to everything up to the waist, woe be to my dating prospects), I'm probably one too-quick-turn to the side from going from Mr. Fantastic to Professor Xavier. Can you even switch franchises like that? Hm.

As usual, since there's absolutely nothing I can do except wait to see if surgery is really an option, I'm dealing with it the only way I know how - humor. All joking about dating prospects and comic books aside, I'm one too-quick-to-the-side turn away from rocking a wheel chair. Since the Central Nervous System can't repair itself, I honestly don't know what my prospects are. The surgeon my father talked to, once he heard of what was going on, volunteered to get me in touch with his friend within the week. Jump the entire line. His friend has a two-month waiting list, he's THAT well thought of.

*sigh* I still have humor.

Well! ^_^ ...I... will.. keep marching forward. Well, without the marching part, right? Hah... heh. Heh.

The good news, I guess, is that I qualify for social security disability. I honestly feel a bit revolted by that. A bit disgusted. Bah.
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