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Writers' Group 2: SCRIPTS
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3532
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 10:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Added them in, I might try to get something else done before deadline that's more on-topic.
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Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
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Tinu.



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 3690
Location: The land of dreams

PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 5:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Edit: Ok, here it is! It's kinda silly, but I'm pretty happy with it; though I've learned that accents are killer to write. Kudos to you if you know where these two and their quarrel comes from! =D

_______________________________
[Curtain opens on an attic scene where a boy and a girl Ė about eight years old Ė are sitting cross legged on the floor across from each other playing go-fish. Soft lighting.]

William: Barbara Allen, ya got any threes?

Barbara Allen: Nope. Go throw yeh a line. [William picks up a card] Got any eights?

William: Nope. [Barbara Allen picks up a card] Got any threes?

Barbara Allen: William Herschel, you just askt me that not a minute ago, and the answer ainít changed none!

William: Well it might'of.

Barbara Allen: Well it ainít! Now pick up a card. [William draws a card hastily, dropping it. He picks it up and places it in his hand] Got any aces?

William: Nope. [Barbara Allen throws her cards at William]

Barbara Allen: You liar! I seen it when you dropped it! Some friend you are! [Barbara Allen turns away from William, sitting cross legged with her back to him]

William: Aw come on Barbara Allen, donít throw a hissy-fit, itís jest a game of cards, thereís no harm done. [Barbara Allen doesnít say anything. William pauses, and seems hesitant] Barbara Allen. [William moves so that he can see her face] Barbara Allen, I love you.

Barbara Allen: No you donít. [She turns away again]

William: Yes I do! Iíll die if you wonít love me back Barbara Allen!
[Barbara Allen remains silent] I will! You ainít gunna believe me? I will, I swear! [He falls on the floor yelling] Iím dyiní Barbara Allan, Iím dyiní!

Barbara Allen: No you ainít.

William: I swear! [a few momentís silence] Iím dyiní!

Barbara Allen: No you ainít! An you donít love me neither! [William half sits up]

William: Sure I do!

Barbara Allen: No you donít, you never paid me no attention, mattera fact, you ignored me!

William: No I ainít! I ainít never ignored ya Barbara Allen!

Barbara Allen: Oh? [She turns to look at William, and points at him, accusing] At school last week you shared your animal crackers with every other girl in class but me! They was all over you askiní for those crackers Ė and you never once looked at me or askt ifín I wanted Ďem! [turns away again]

William: . . .Didja want one?

Barbara Allen: As a matteroífact I did.

William: Oh. Listen, Iím sorry Barbara Allen, I dinnit mean no harm, truth is, I couldnít stop thinkiní about you. They may have gotten those animal crackers but I gave you my heart.

Barbara Allen: I could care less. [Stands up] You might as well go an die William Herschel, cause I ainít gunna love you as long as long as you still alive. [Barbara Allen storms out and William falls back to the floor]
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Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 3:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hehehe, the accents are great! ^_^ And you shouldn't just edit your post like that, how were we to know that you posted your story??

I finally have something to write, I'm just hoping I'll have a free hour tomorrow to scribble it down. Very Happy
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3532
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 9:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, Nu, I loved it! They sounded like cowpokes having a slow night on the trail at first, but as soon as you mentioned the animal crackers, they turned into first graders. And then I went and looked up Barbara Allen, and I must say, you did a wonderful job! ^__________^ A million times better than mine.
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Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
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Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
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Maeniel



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1080
Location: Next to Waldo

PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 10:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmm... Not sure where I get Saturday the 21st or Tuesday the 24th...but regardless, I'll keep the dates. So entries are due tomorrow, the 21st, by midnight. Smile
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Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 11:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.....

EDIT: Hokay! I did not have the time to do this right, but that's really just my fault. I like the idea, but the execution is severely lacking. Oh well. Here's what I managed:


(Scene opens on a city, lots of big gray buildings. Every so often an adult walks from one end of the stage to the other, not looking at the audience but rather at the floor. This continues, at a shrinking frequency, throughout the play.
Yonah walks onto the stage. He is curious and confused, looking around at the buildings, trying to catch some people walking past.)


Yonah: Hey mister! Can you help me, mister?

Yonah: Missus! Please? Hello, missus?

(Yonah sits down dejectedly. Will, another young boy, strolls onto stage and sits down next to Yonah. He is holding a box of animal crackers and happily munching them.)

Will: Hiya!

Yonah: Hello...

Will: What's yer name?

Yonah: I'm Yonah.

Will: That's a real funny name! I'm just plain Will.

Yonah: Nice to meet you, Will. Do you think you could help me?

Will: P'rhaps. Depends what yer lookin for.

Yonah: Well, I don't really know what I'm looking for.

Will: Can't help ya, then.

(Will munches on another animal cracker.)

Will: So where're you from, eh?

Yonah: I come from the orphanage down that way. (Yonah points)

Will: I aint never heard of an orphanage there!

Yonah: It's past the city, in the woods. Noah built it himself.

Will: Who's Noah?

Yonah: He's an amazing man! He's sort of my father...I don't have a father, you see...

Will: Ohhhhh...yer an orphan! That's why yer in an orpahanage!

Yonah: Yes. Noah found me on the streets when I was just three, and took me to the orphanage with everyone else. I've been there ever since.

Will: But I'm always hangin around here! Why haven't I ever seen ya before?

Yonah: Noah doesn't let us leave the orphanage. He says there's evil outside, everything's evil, and we need to stay with him. Mostly it's good, he's nice to us and he teaches us and all....but me and Kate and Gerry, and some others, we wanted to go outside! After so long being in, we wanted to see the rest of the world!

Will: I think all kids should be allowed to go out.

Yonah: Well, Noah decided that I should go out on my own, because he needs to take care of the rest of the children. He said I should see how the world is, and tell him if it's okay for the rest of us to come out.

(Two of the adults passing by accidentally hit into each other. The first drops his briefcase, and the sound makes the kids notice them. Will continues to eat his animal crackers as he watches.)

First adult: Watch what you're doing! I don't have time for this nonsense.

Second adult: Maybe it wouldn't happen if you looked around you instead of plowing into me with that briefcase!

(They glare at each other, and stalk off the stage in their separate directions. Yonah and Will turn back to each other.)

Yonah: I don't know what I'm going to tell Noah. Nobody here listens to me, nobody cares. Is this what the world is like?

Will: Most've it. (Will eats an animal cracker glumly) How many kids're in that orphanage with ya?

Yonah: We're twenty eight kids, fourteen boys and fourteen girls. From all different ages!

Will: Wow, and there's room for all of ya there?

Yonah: Yeah. When Noah built the place, he knew it would have to be big. He says he knew what the city is like, and how many kids had no homes. So he built a big orphanage, and one night he came here, found all twenty eight of us, and brought us to our new home. He's such a great man...

Will: If he was a really great guy, he'd let you all outside!

Yonah: He only wants to protect us. I don't know why he's so scared. Only, he has a scar on his face, and Tommy says he got it from a guy who hurt him with a knife.

Will: That's so cool! (Will throws another cracker in his mouth) Did he beat the guy up?

Yonah: Don't ask me, I wasn't there...but I guess that's why Noah's afraid to let us out, and that brings me here. Now I'm afraid I have nothing but bad news. The world is mean, nobody cares about anybody! Maybe we really should stay in the orphanage.

Will: Aw, I'm sorry, Yonah.

(Will takes another animal cracker out of his box, then peers into the box)

Will: That's it! (Will throws the empty box aside) Do you want the last one? Maybe it'll make you feel better?

(Yonah slowly takes the animal cracker)

Yonah: It's shaped like a dove...

Will: Those taste the best! ....aren't ya gonna eat it?

Yonah: No.... (Yonah starts to smile) No, I'm going to take this to Noah!

Will: Noah likes animal crackers?

Yonah: Noah likes kindness. (Yonah smiles a huge smile at Will) Thank you, Will! I think I'll see you again really soon.


EDIT: Fixed some minor stuff. Ignore.


Last edited by Tamir on Mon Jul 21, 2008 8:52 am; edited 1 time in total
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3532
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 6:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's so sweet! I like how you both did retellings. ^_^
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 2141
Location: England

PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 11:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two figures atop a slender tower of black glass towering over a raging ocean their clothes are whipped around by the wind. Overhead flashes of nuclear fire glow through the clouds. One figure casts his sword aside into the ocean.

Abadon: I won’t kill you, brother.

Caine (raising his sword to Abadon’s neck): So much blood to reach this point, filthy hypocrite, I’ve no desire to return the favour. Are you going to beg for your life, can you lower yourself even to that? Or do you finally see the evil you’ve become?

Abadon: Would it do any good?

Caine: No, you can’t be allowed to lead the army that has come for you.

Abadon: At least you’re that honest.

Caine: My honesty was never in question.

Abadon: A rather convenient truth.

Caine: Enough of this nonsense, justice must be served. You set yourself too high a seat.

Abadon: What justice is this? War in the heavens? Stand aside for pity’s sake, there may yet be peace.

Caine: Pity? We had peace, you shattered it.

Abadon: You had apathy! A world at peace with its own death. Eyes turned ever to other nations rather than in to care for your own. You call it peace while thousands suffer uncared for?

Caine: Democracy, freedom, educations.

Abadon: Each man tied to his station by his circumstances. Peace; freedom? You call it freedom to abandon a man on a cliff to his fate? Can you make your peace with that? What great man can stand aside whilst others suffer? Or claim a morality yet fail to see it created?

Caine: So you would put thousands to the sword and call it righteous?

Abadon: You put me to the sword and call it the same. The world must pass through the fire.

Caine: You take a lot upon yourself, we are not gods.

Abadon: An equal amount in standing aside. I could yet be at home, eating animal crackers and reading to my children but that choice is equal in its restraint as this in action.

Caine: Please. This isn’t what people chose.

Abadon: What can people choose?

Caine: To lift themselves up, to become more than they are. You’ve no right to take that from them.

Abadon: People are what their lives make of them. No more and no less.

Caine: I don’t care, they have to be able to chose.

Abadon: Then they chose this with every action, every moment that led us down this road, even in standing against me. Perhaps you should have questioned your honesty earlier brother. [grim laugh] The old school of blind faith doesn’t quite stand up when you have to answer for your beliefs does it? My cause is righteous. Can you say the same? From the highest seat I shall watch over them, with a god’s loving hand ease their ills and when all nations stand united from on high shall I love my people in the measure they were neglected.

Caine (hand shaking): Dear gods, you’re insane.

Abadon (taking sword from Caine): No, you’re just scared I’m right. But you can be a hero now, come surrender your life for a greater cause.

Caine (getting run through with his own sword): Why?

Abadon: I lied, obviously. And because I’m not the hypocrite you think me. How can I justify the loss of a thousand lives for a better world if I won’t even surrender my morality for the greater good? Goodbye.

Abadon kicks Caine’s body from the tower, overhead the nuclear exchange has finished. A ship descends through the clouds wreathed in the flames of its descent to carry him aloft.

---

Urgh. *Headdesk*
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3532
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 11:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I was going to say how can this be a script, it's an impossible set! Then I realized, it must be a movie script. Yes? Anyway, it's all that I expected from you, Nem - philosophizing, depressing apocalypse, sophisticated ideas... it was good. I liked it. It would be one of those immense and unwieldy epic trilogies were it to be actualized, but this is a nice, ambiguous finale.
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Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
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Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 3:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Were the names purposely similar to Cain and Abel? ^_^

I was also confused by the set (was wondering how I'd pull it off), but AsA's right, it doesn't have to be a play. Pretty cool script! Caine shoulda just killed him at the beginning, though.

Oh, that's everyone! Let's vote!
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
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Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 10:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, this is so hard! Why do you all have to be so good? Why can't three of you be as bad as me?
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
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Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 10:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

At least one of us is worse. <_<
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3532
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Um? Are you talking about yourself? 'Cause if so, you're lying.
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
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Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 11:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Are you saying I'm a liar? Mad That's a lie!
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Allicat



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 1384
Location: Land of the troll.

PostPosted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 1:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Children, please! Bickering won't get the votes counted! I thought they were all awexome, and while this does make it harder to reach a decision, it also shows we're developing as writers. Also, I get to read them all again while I decide ^_^
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