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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 2:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I envy the sense of timing and flow that I get, reading your guys' poems. It comes completely naturally when reading...
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. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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spawnofjaws



Joined: 20 May 2008
Posts: 559
Location: North Carolina! And proud of it...!

PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 3:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Uh, i guess I'll just jump on the bandwagon, here, open to critique and such...
I was listening to Leona Lewis's Bleeding love while writing it...
I like that song so much, you Brits really are brilliant....

Back to the beginning

Taken a road far from the start
And I didnít even realize
That our words turned unspoken
And thereís pain beneath our eyes

I never meant to hurt you
And itís all I think at night
Iíd like to apologize
But itís this pride that makes me fight

I know weíre losing touch
And I want to it shut down
I just want to stop my tears
Before we start to drown

But words are the only thing I have left now
I know you may not believe me
But I still love you
You made me the best I could be

I just want to start over
I want to go back to the beginning
Lets make a pact in this war of love
That neither of us are winning

So I'm catching these words
Before the escape me
And you may say its a losing fight
But I already know I'm crazy

And I'm not saying
"I can't live without you"
But I want to be the first to reach out
I'm just about to


In all it's lameness...
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Hoffman icon courtesy of my very good friend, Isaymakebelieve, on LJ, check her out! http://community.livejournal.com/isaymakebelieve/
In my brain, I'm someone famous AND important!
Dubbed 'Egg' by ASA, but also responds to "spegg"...
Keeper of Oliblish and Teh Poodle Stick....
[/url]
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horsin'around



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1260
Location: Stupidville

PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 4:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I actually rather liked it, Spegg. Kudos! Brits? Us Brits?

Hmm...I guess the question is thus: Tinu, Tenshi, AsA, and Mirf, are you Brits?

See, this is odd--the poem I liked the least - the ship - was the one that everyone here liked the most. ><;; Not good. Means I'm losing my touch.

I don't particularly like this one, but hey, I'm on a poetry rout here.

If you travel down a road
About a mile or so,
If you journey on a path
That knows just where to go,

You will find a silent forest
With beams of misty light,
Shining through the hanging branches;
Fading into the night.

The slender trees reach up and up
To touch the dusky sky,
Then disappear as shadows
Wrap round them, ever nigh.

Their leaves are soft but faded;
Their green is almost gone,
But it will always linger there,
As long as life goes on . . .
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Fall down seven times, get up eight. --Japanese Proverb

If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ponce
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spawnofjaws



Joined: 20 May 2008
Posts: 559
Location: North Carolina! And proud of it...!

PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 4:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Uh, I meant the british people...I know Nu, Tenshi and AsA are 'Muricans...'not sure about Mirf....
I liked your poem Ponce, the rhythm felt even, which is my happy niche in poetry...
I mean, it just seems better to me when it flows well...
So, yeah I like your use of imagery....
_________________
Hoffman icon courtesy of my very good friend, Isaymakebelieve, on LJ, check her out! http://community.livejournal.com/isaymakebelieve/
In my brain, I'm someone famous AND important!
Dubbed 'Egg' by ASA, but also responds to "spegg"...
Keeper of Oliblish and Teh Poodle Stick....
[/url]
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horsin'around



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1260
Location: Stupidville

PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 5:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I knew that, Silly! I think Mirf is Canadian. >>

Anyhoo...who else wants to post?
_________________
Fall down seven times, get up eight. --Japanese Proverb

If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ponce
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 3:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

AsA is American? O_o I thought she was in Israel... ::boggles::

Wow, I was totally going to post one of my actual poems (not an away message snippet) before I realized how very, very dark they are. Um, yeah. And they make me sound a teensy bit unbalanced...

So, another away message. I wrote this about a girl I met at work, who I was (at the time) totally crushing over. Embarassed

Untitled
It's been a long day
I let the lights wind down
The shadows caress the walls
It's going on without a sound

I thought again of your face
Remembering where you're from
There's nothing real here anymore
And I feel that's why I've come

We dance in circles all day long
Words and whips and velvet lies
The sun sets and the day is done
Empty again we say our goodbyes

_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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horsin'around



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1260
Location: Stupidville

PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 7:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I liked it! (*cough* Post some of the 'dark' stuff! Please! I thought the ship one was dark but people liked it!)
_________________
Fall down seven times, get up eight. --Japanese Proverb

If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ponce
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spawnofjaws



Joined: 20 May 2008
Posts: 559
Location: North Carolina! And proud of it...!

PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 2:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awww, Tenshi's so cute!
*big sister noogie*
For real though, it was sweet...I liked it...
_________________
Hoffman icon courtesy of my very good friend, Isaymakebelieve, on LJ, check her out! http://community.livejournal.com/isaymakebelieve/
In my brain, I'm someone famous AND important!
Dubbed 'Egg' by ASA, but also responds to "spegg"...
Keeper of Oliblish and Teh Poodle Stick....
[/url]
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 2:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I seem to say "you asked for it" more often that I'm used to, talking to people of this forum O_o

Anyhow, you asked for it. This is one of those written to be put to music, and so the pacing for a stand-alone poem is a bit off. There were variations in the pacing based on the music that was in my head at the time.

Problem is, I'm just now learning to play guitar. Oh well.

What I Need
Matthew Mullins 03/01/07

What I need...
Is someone to tell me I'm okay
What I need...
Is someone to tell me to stay
What I need...
Is something that's worth living for
What I need...
Isn't another faded picture on my door

I've faced the end and back again
In the darkest bowels and halls of sin
Bathed in sunlight so perfect and pure
Mired in darkness to find the cure

To questions and answers life erased
Forbidden knowledge I have always chased
Easing the pain of watching this begin
In the end the worst of us win

[chorus]
Dreaming never showed me this
An eternity in perfect bliss
Hidden from sight through wretched pain
The path to it's truth was never so plain

A saddened game of childish chase
We fight and we strive, whatever the case
To find some meaning in a world so alone
To find some worth, with which to atone

For sins that run eternally deep
Through souls and sorrows the taint does seep
Across time and space of my mind's divide
There is no place left in which to hide

[chorus]
Dreaming never showed me this
An eternity in perfect bliss
Hidden from sight through wretched pain
The path to it's peace was never so plain

Broken thoughts scatter across violet sky
In a world of darkness I may finally die
Surrounded by pain, both real and not
In the end it never mattered how much I fought

My soul lay broken in a field of green
Among these flowers, everything can be seen
I stretch my thoughts back to a time before
Again standing nervously, I knock at her door

[chorus]
Dreaming never showed me this
An eternity in perfect bliss
Hidden from sight through wretched pain
The path to it's heaven was never so plain

_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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spawnofjaws



Joined: 20 May 2008
Posts: 559
Location: North Carolina! And proud of it...!

PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 3:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aw, that one's really good, but still, really sad...
_________________
Hoffman icon courtesy of my very good friend, Isaymakebelieve, on LJ, check her out! http://community.livejournal.com/isaymakebelieve/
In my brain, I'm someone famous AND important!
Dubbed 'Egg' by ASA, but also responds to "spegg"...
Keeper of Oliblish and Teh Poodle Stick....
[/url]
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Dark Mirf



Joined: 22 Apr 2008
Posts: 297

PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 7:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Canadian? Haha thats a new one! Nah, I'm an American, but you could say that Alaska is a country of its own.

I suppose a lot of artist/writers look up to each others, but privately in their own mind, they belive that their work is lousy compared to others. LOL

Keep the poems coming!! Heres my most recent, it was witten in May. It was a style expirment, critque away if you like. Smile

Birds, birds, lightly fading!
Into the brittle light of the sun.
What is that your eyes intrigue,
Neither to obviate nor to repentant?

To what intensity does
the mind impress your frame?
Should the worldy cosmo
Be so unsentimental for you?

Birds, birds, freely descending!
Into a clement dawn.
Upon what acquisition in quests
Do you mean to finish?

Should the sky fall
Beyond your grasp,
Crumbling and folding
Upon your tiny form?

Birds! Birds, hazily fair,
Come and comfort upon.
For there only can be so much
That the heavens can do.
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horsin'around



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1260
Location: Stupidville

PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 9:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Darn - thought you were from Canada. Sad Whoopsie. I'm all poemed out, by the way.

Tenshi! I loved it! More more more more more!!! Please!
_________________
Fall down seven times, get up eight. --Japanese Proverb

If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ponce
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 4:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Embarassed How could I refuse said requests from such person... Embarassed

Okay, okay, I'll do one better and write a brand new one for the forum. How's about them apples? Slow pacing at first, picks up halfway through. This was written in the old format, listening to music in my head whilst writing... hope it comes out okay. This is raw/unedited, so spelling/grammar should be (kindly) pointed out for me to correct. Smile


"From Shadows, Arise"
Matthew Mullins 06/09/08

I hear a whisper
And I open up my eyes
The world is empty
Full of cold and hollow lies

I search the shadows
Try to find a shining light
Return to sleeping
It's not worth another fight

[chorus]
An end to solace of a world I used to know
I break the frost and let dried rivers flow
Eyes so bright in a world without a sun
I can't start again, as I've already begun

The walls are fading
From cold and grey to softer green
My heart is racing
Every moment is a miracle I've never seen

Raise my hand now
And the world erupts in sound
Remember to reach out
And place both feet slowly on the ground

[chorus]
An end to solace of a world I used to know
I break the frost and let dried rivers flow
Eyes so bright in a world without a sun
I can't start again, as I've already begun

I raise my body
And stand in a world painted bright
The shadow's biting
But to this hope I'm holding tight

One step forward
Around me new life life explodes
I'm warming quickly
And wondering just what this place holds

An end of silence in the world I used to know
I break the frozen and let familiar rivers flow
The sky so bright in a world of brilliant sun
I'll never start again, my worst fights I know I've won

_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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horsin'around



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1260
Location: Stupidville

PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

See? It's brilliant and not the least bit dark. You're too humble, Tenshi. Surprised
_________________
Fall down seven times, get up eight. --Japanese Proverb

If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ponce
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 1:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If'n you say so, miss. Your turn to post some more, I think. Very Happy
_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
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