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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 2141
Location: England

PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2010 11:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Parents continue their persistent nagging for me to get a job.

Your sister's got a job and she's younger than you! Don't you have any pride? We believe in you.

Paraphrased.

My sister needs the money, I don't. Besides a few weeks ago they were bad-mouthing her lack of effort in finding a job to me. After destroying one perception of her they can't hold her up as an example of virtue in their defence. It's unconvincing if they only use those concepts when they're convenient to them.

Pride? Perhaps, but it looks nothing like theirs. I've already sold enough of that away in the name of pragmatism and received their praise for doing so.

And belief? As if it matters whether they believe in me. There's nothing relevant to our pride for either of us to believe in the other, nor at this stage is there any need to generate the objects for those beliefs.

It's tempting to move the timetable ahead, sell myself to the military right now and in doing so end this and related issues entirely. There's various reasons it would be better to wait a bit before doing that - get fitter, get more qualifications, etc - and I don't mind sticking around in this part of the country to practice some of the activities I enjoy here. But if I don't get an extra year or so to finish those things up; while it would devastate the parents; it's not very significant to me anymore. They've had warnings that such a thing might occur and discarded them.

I've already said this stuff to them, though in less blunt terms, they know I've stopped listening. Yet the nagging remains somewhat tiresome, like an insect buzzing around or a sort of verbal beating.

There's nothing complicated in enduring a beating. Unfocus your eyes, sing songs in your head; wait for them to stop hitting you. Find that place inside yourself where it doesn't matter. Once the initial shock is over pain just makes you tired.

The difficult bit is not enduring: it's remaining sharp, watching for the moment when you can turn the tables. Resisting the temptation just to go elsewhere.

If you want kids to grow up with your professed values, try living by them. If you want people not to go elsewhere, lay a decent hearth rather than demanding they exist in the realm of your ideologies. People don't remain soft hearted forever; reflexive obedience dies when they notice you're just another human. Wink
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
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Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2010 2:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well I'm sad that you feel that way, because I disagree. But I'm optimistic that way. I hope things work out with your family before things get too much worse.
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Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
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Ravenna



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 637
Location: Toward The Terra

PostPosted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have to sympathise with Nem in that it feels very hollow when people contradict themselves so blatantly when trying to convince you of their opinions. If Nem says he can find no reason or value in finding a summer job, then I believe that he believes that. I wouldn't patronise him otherwise.

I've seen this sort of behaviour play out before. Cases where it comes as a complete shock to parents when values they've never ever discussed with their children are not ingrained into them. No-one is perfect, but if you're going to preach it, then I agree with Nem that you should make an effort to actually practise it.
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Allicat



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 1391
Location: Back in the Shire.

PostPosted: Sat Sep 11, 2010 7:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Continued from the today thread: My Mum had tests done last week, MRI, CT scan and colonoscopy, and we were meant to find out the results of these tests yesterday and what course of treatment my Mum would have to go through, but when we rang the hospital to ask we were told that the notes had not been sent to the consultant yet. Upon enquiring why we were told that there had been a mix up with the admin and they were expecting my Mum to do all the tests this week. Once we had cleared up that the tests were in fact all done we were told that the consultant would not see them for another week. That's another week not knowing. Another week in suspense. Another week feeling powerless.
Needless to say, we are not impressed. Especially since this is the second time something like this has happened in the course of two weeks. The nurse on the other end of the phone was lovely and we can't praise her enough. It wasn't her fault and she did everything she could to ensure we were put at ease and that my Mum's notes went to the right place, but all the same it smarts. It hurts that my Mum's health is being put on hold for another week with no good reason. My Dad handled all the phone conversations and he's handling all the complaint procedures and I thank the powers that be that he's here. He's a lot better at this kind of thing than my Mum or I, because we tend to get more outwardly upset at things like this. It takes a lot to rile us up, but when we are riled I've been told it's a little scary.
We find out al the details next week (barring any more administrative messes) but that rather defeats the object of me coming home to be here for my family.
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TheBritishInvasion



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 1859
Location: The couch

PostPosted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 7:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Today, Britland’s rant will be about bureaucracy.

I have some social anxiety issues. It’s fairly self explanatory. Social situations make me anxious. That wasn’t difficult was it?

Still need help?

Talking to people=Makes me anxious.

Emailing people=Makes me anxious.

Phoning people=Makes me anxious.

Interacting with anyone I am not familiar with= Makes me anxious.

Let me explain, when I chose what classes I would take this year I looked at the course requirements for each class, to check what the assessment would be. I purposefully chose classes that did not have an assessed presentation. Instead of the module ‘Greek Mythology’ which did have a presentation I opted to take ‘Visualising Greek Mythology’. The assessment criteria said ‘continuous assessment throughout the course’ I took this to mean essays. I had taken a similar course, ‘Greek Art and the City-State’ in the previous semester by the same professor so I assumed this would be the same.

It was not.

Two days before the course began the professor emailed the course handbook to us and to my dread, under the assessment information it said we would have to do an essay, an exam and a presentation.
I was petrified. Then and there I nearly changed to a different module (thank God I didn’t, the class I would have taken instead ended up being cancelled which really would have messed things up for me.) but I really liked the look of this course so I decided to talk to the professor, to see if we could talk about this presentation.

So after the first lecture I approached him, explained my issues and he very kindly said I could submit a piece of written work in place of a presentation. He did however suggest I speak to a support officer to see if I could get any help for my anxiety issues. I agreed to do that. I’ve had help in the past but I need more.

That’s the background information, so now you understand how I came to email the university support officer to ask her about help. And this is where the rant begins:

I emailed the support officer, explained by social anxiety problem; she emailed me back asking me to visit her during her office hour. I wasn’t thrilled about this but I wanted the help so I went to visit her.
She told me to email the disability support office.
Why she couldn’t have said that in the email instead of making me go down in person I don’t know.

So I emailed the DSO, told them my problem and they emailed back a form for me to fill out and told me I needed to return the completed form and give them a letter from my doctor, as medical evidence of my anxiety problem.

So then I had to go to the doctor. I was not thrilled about this but I understand if they need medical evidence. I went to the doctor’s office to make the appointment. I don’t like talking on the phone, I don’t like talking to people in person but I prefer it to the phone and the doctor’s office isn’t far so I made the appointment face to face.

Then I went and had the appointment.

Then I returned my form and doctor’s letter to the DSO.

And then I didn’t hear anything for four weeks.

And then I got an email saying ‘Thank you very much for providing medical evidence of your anxiety problem. Please call reception to make an appointment with an advisor.’

...

...

...

Social. Anxiety. Disorder.

HOW HARD IS THAT?

No. I will not be calling reception. I will be dropping by when I have the freaking time.

So today Britland is mad at bureaucracy.

I want help. I really want help.

Which is why I’m jumping through all these bureaucratic hoops that are aggravating the problem these people are supposed to be helping me with.

But I am very glad that I have a lovely professor who is not making me do a presentation.
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3538
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 11:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wonder if you should just find the email of one of the counselors and talk to her personally about setting up an appointment rather than jumping through hoops. Does the university cover the medical expense for its students? Is that why you're working through the support officers? If not, consider going outside the university, or to an affiliated office. Someone will know how to properly handle the issue. Or ask your lovely professor if he knows anyone.

*hugs* Good luck Britland. I know how difficult it can be.
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Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
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Tinu.



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 3690
Location: The land of dreams

PostPosted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 5:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*Hugs Britland*

I've bones to pick with Bureaucracy as well. I'm sorry they're being so idiotic and insensitive about the whole thing. At least your professor is very understanding, though.
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 2141
Location: England

PostPosted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 5:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*Muses on the irony of hugging someone with social anxiety disorder*

=p



*squish*
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3538
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know, right? But that's the wonders of the internet, I can give you the hug anyway! ^_^ And if that still makes you anxious, you can take it as this kind of Hug:


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Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
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Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 2:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can only echo the advice given here, so I won't chime in there. However, I will offer *hugs* as well. I hope they pull their collective heads out of their red tape nonsense long enough to actually help someone - namely you! Good luck, my friend.
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TheBritishInvasion



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 1859
Location: The couch

PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 7:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks everyone, I'll get there.

And Nem, I like hugs in real life too.
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Tinu.



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
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Location: The land of dreams

PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 12:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Developmental Psychology:

It was a really interesting class, and it would have been amazing if it had operated like it was supposed to. The class was supposed to be debate focused, instead of project/paper/test focused. The problem was no one wanted to say anything; and whenever I had anything to say, I was often the only person to speak and felt like an idiot. People also kept staring at me when I would call the teacher out on something he said that was incorrect. >>;;

I also learned very little I hadn't already learned in my previous Psychology classes, or in my Sociology class--or even in my Cultural Anthropology class.

Though, I finally had a teacher who taught about Freud's theories. He's been skipped over a lot in my previous classes since Erikson basically discredited a lot of his theories--or proved them to be flawed and narrow-sighted at the least. I still think he's off his rocker, but it was fun learning about him.

However, we didn't discuss much related to development, actually. We skimmed Erikson, and almost completely ignored Piaget and Kohlberg--Forget Skinner and Sapir-Worf. No feral children; just touching the smallest tip of the iceberg with old age and coping with mortality; forget a clear and thorough explanation on theories of intelligence.

Instead, we talked a lot about memory, personalities, stress, and coping styles. They are connected to development, but one also learns about them in a General Psych class. He mentioned a lot of people I'd never heard of, but he never really explained what it was they did. If he did, it was about a two second explanation that consisted of "[insert new guy's name] looked at [insert famous guy's name]'s theory and said 'Well, wait a minute, that's not entirely right. You left something out--it doesn't cover the entire spectrum!' and proceeded to try and make [famous guy]'s theory complete." It was like looking into a room through a hole in the wall--there's something interesting there, but it's impossible to catch more than the barest glimpse of it.

Most of our time was spent debating Nature vs. Nurture--which, while valid in the developmental process, doesn't work well towards learning unless everyone already knows what they're talking about. It's very easy to pull something out of a hat when arguing Nature vs. Nurture. Personally, I think it's futile, because both have an equal hand in development. It would have been more productive to learn different theories and then point out society and biology in each--which, to the credit of the teacher, he tried to do. It just didn't work out so well. Questions would be posed, and there would be absolute silence.

Basically, I learned nothing at all new, and very little that was interesting. The whole class felt like the teacher was just too lazy to teach anything that we hadn't already learned in General Psychology.

I really want to retake the class (because I've been wanting to learn about Developmental Psychology since I first learned about Psychology); but from what I've heard from other students, there are only two competent Psychology teachers on campus, and neither of them teaches Developmental.
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Wren



Joined: 22 Apr 2008
Posts: 797
Location: In my head, wondering how so many manage to step outside theirs.

PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2010 11:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi.

My AP English class had a debate about whether there was any sexism at all in our culture, defined at making something--anything--more difficult for someone on the basis of sex. The class split up by opinion, except for two of us who went to the "no sexism" side because it was pathetic--like, four students out of 30.

First: Everyone, literally everyone in the class would not believe that there could be anything harder for men. The one time it came up, it was A) a student who didn't believe it, and B) student gave it as a stupid argument: There are an equal number of things that are harder for men as there are that are harder for women. Therefore, sexism doesn't exist.

NO. Just no. Sexism is about forcing people into roles based on sex. If it is harder for me to be a businesswoman and harder for Joe to be a househusband, that is sexism.

Second: Remember us, those six who were arguing the clearly wrong side? The only reason we lost was favoritism, and that I leaned over and told the other side what to say. Given that I was also the only one saying anything but "nu-uh!" on my side, this means that the debate was an argument with myself. That I lost. Twice.

Third: No one in the class knew what a sniper was. We are an AP English class. How can no one know what a sniper is? I don't mean, like, five people didn't know, literally no one in the class had any idea. They didn't know a sniper used a gun. That's not even specific! We are in AP English people, what kind of books are you ignoring?

Finally: The entire point of the debate was so the teacher could prove to those who believed there wasn't sexism that it existed. So what did she do? She directed the debate so the side she wanted to win won. I don't care if you are literally omniscient, that is unethical. You don't get to say, "Oh, but you already decided" after the fact if you decide who is going to win no matter what before the fact. Just come in and say, "I believe this and anyone who disagrees with me is wrong"! It's not like that'd be the first time she did it, so I don't understand the problem she had with it then.

Thankfully, she's gone for a while, but she's still grading our essays--including how well they match her opinion, but that's nothing new--and she'll be back after the new year. To make matters worse, the class is at the end of the day, so I spend my school day dreading it or in it. Lovely.

And what I hate most is that I don't know how to call her out on it. She's got my grade, and the only reason I'm pulling a B is that she likes me. And the fact that she likes me means I can call her out on things that are blatantly wrong with impunity, which is...something, I guess.

</wall of text>
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
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Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Mon Dec 13, 2010 12:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome to the world of higher education, Wren. Many, many of your professors over the next four or five years will be the same way. Be careful about calling them on it, feel out the department first, and be sure of yourself when you do. I personally tend to suck it up and deal, but I'm non-confrontational that way.If this is something you really just can't stomach, then go for it, and be careful doing it.

*hugs of support!*
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Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
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Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
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Tinu.



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 3690
Location: The land of dreams

PostPosted: Mon Dec 13, 2010 12:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sorry about the debate. I hate it when everyone takes the same side in a debate, or aren't well informed about their topic. I send you sympathy cookies.

As to the teacher:

You can report teachers to the administrator for favoritism, and you might be able to do it for forcing opinion, as well. If it is obvious that she shows favoritism towards those that share her opinion, grab a few people from your class and march right up to the Principal's office and let them know. Keep at it, too. Forcing opinion on students is illegal, in essence, if not exactly in law. If she is really forcing an opinion on the class, she can technically be fired for it (which is why I would never want to teach, they have to side-step around things so very carefully). The least they can do is have a talk with her. Complaints are also supposed to be anonymous. If they tell her about your issues and she takes it out on you, talk to the school board, call the press!

I went to a very unusual high school, and something similar happened more than once. Things can be changed if you're obstinate enough about it and inform the right people. If you ever decide to take a stand, call the media, and don't back down. Once you call in someone from outside, you hold the power, not the them.

Just make sure you've got all your facts in order, though. Wink
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