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"Stitches"

 
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 10:02 pm    Post subject: "Stitches" Reply with quote

(Done in a Beat Poetry style, sort of. At least it is as I write it. If you're not familiar with Beat Poetry, look up Daniel Beaty, Taylor Mali and Carlos Andrés Gómez)

The third and fourth lines should be read as one, more or less. The last block changes the pace entirely. Comments welcome, of course. Even if it's just to say you enjoyed it, or hated it, or whatnot.


"Stitches"

Tonight, I'll dress every wound with fresh bands
Wrap front to back, bind tightly my hands
I touched something more than I could grasp
And in agony I watched as it unraveled in strands

Over and through, and seal closed my lips
I doubt my voice is something I'll actually miss
Plus it may help me to stay silent
Though I'd settle with forgetting your kiss

Loop twice and pull, to seal shut my eyes
If I can't see your smile I won't have to tell myself lies
I could go on forever believing I have a chance
Because I don't want to admit I'm terrified of goodbyes

Splint wood bars with cloth, and straighten my head
Don't let me keep thinking about that night in that bed
If I can't look down then maybe I won't stop to think
And can move on with my life, just like we had said

Around and underneath, to cover my ears
There's no sweet sounds left that I want to hear
If I can ignore the birds singing and the wind in the trees
Maybe I can keep my head from starting to clear

Apply pressure and hold, and soak up my mind
If I can't move my body, maybe peace I could find
But every stitch and wrap refuses to stay in its place
And as I keep looking, my misery follows in kind

Around and underneath, loop twice and pull
Wrap back to front, pull over and through,
It hurts me so much that I doubt I'll make do
But I'm seeing the truth, that I'm almost over you
_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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Wren



Joined: 22 Apr 2008
Posts: 797
Location: In my head, wondering how so many manage to step outside theirs.

PostPosted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 9:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Interesting, and weird (which is a compliment from me)--as in I don't recall hearing much like it before. The various stitches reminded me of mummies, and I liked the idea of sealing lips to stop you from lying to yourself. I dunno why exactly, I just thought it was a clear, dark image.

Did you choose the AABA rhyme scheme for any particular reason, or did it just develop like that? I've never seen it before, is all.
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Dubbed "Fish" by Asa. Wren->Fish
~Keeper of Willow's Jedi cloak and Tristram's smirk.~

GENERATION 19: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It developed like that, I had two blocks down before I really even recognized I was doing it, then decided it was sort of stilted and I liked that. Seemed to fit the subject matter and the speaker's voice, as it were.

I was particularly proud of the imagery, and even more pleased that it's unique. Thank you! ^_^
_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
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