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Family or uni?

 
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Allicat



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 1391
Location: Back in the Shire.

PostPosted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 4:35 am    Post subject: Family or uni? Reply with quote

Hey guys, I need some advice.

Since things are so rough at home I'm seriously rethinking my uni course. I only have a year left but I think I miss my family more than I enjoy studying. And that's a lot. I adore studying here, it's so beautiful and the course is amazing. The friends I've made here and the experiences I've gained are invaluable to me yet I can't help thinking that my family needs me. They can do without me and I talk to them nearly every day but I miss them so much. Sorry for the offload, but I need some advice from people who aren't directly involved.
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Nem



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
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Location: England

PostPosted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 6:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Can you take a gap year while retaining funding/somewhere to stay? If you can then take a year or so out and have both.

If your last year has already started, then stay there. It's not really a year - more like a few months. Especially considering the ridiculously long holidays unis hand out. Would your family want you to sacrifice three years, whatever effect it would have on your future job opportunities, and however many thousands of pounds you've sunk into it? They may be more burdened by your absence from university - with all that would imply for your future - than by your absence for the few remaining months.

In a sense - which may seem slightly selfish - you also could be well out of whatever's going on at home. I say 'seem' because just as you're looking for someone who's at a bit of a distance they may benefit from having someone to talk to who's not confronted with the immediate visceral impact of the issue in quite the same way as themselves. Not to imply that you don't care of course, just that physical distance may enable you to assume a different perspective on certain aspects of caring.

Or not. <_< Gneh.

In a sense it depends on your results too. If you're liable to get a third you may as well write it up as bad luck and go home. >_>
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3538
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 10:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know how universities work over there, but you might try talking to the administration - here they've been known to give a leave-of-absence that essentially freezes your account for a while until you can come back. If you're on scholarship that might be different, however. Talk to your professors. The father of a friend of mine had an incredibly aggressive cancer last year, and her professors gave her nearly indefinite extensions until the situation concluded itself. As Nem said, if you're well into your last year, I would say stick it through to the end. If you have opportunities to go home to visit, take them.

I don't know how much it would help, but have you talked to your family about it? I mean beyond the "I want to come home; no you must stay in school" bit. A real sit-down discussion laying out all the options and repercussions.

*hugs and cuddles*

I just want to add something I realized looking at your thread title. You're not choosing between family or uni. Because you stay in contact with your family, because you care and are invested in the situation, you have both. By giving up uni, you're not simply choosing your family. You're giving up your education. You're not forsaking your family because you're at uni. Stay in contact with them. If the situation worsens (G-d forbid), then you'll know when that happens and you'll be able to make a decision then.

Remember that you are not forsaking your family by not being with them.
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Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 12:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*offers hugs as well*

You're going through a lot. It's difficult, I know. It hurts in a very painful, personal way. It's an ache that you carry constantly, that you wear ever day. It makes it hard to focus on anything, but Nem and Asa have made good points. You aren't giving up on your family by staying in uni, and if you leave uni now you may damage your chances of getting back.

Take example from me, please. I left WVU last year, and now I'm really struggling to get back to it. It's going to take a bit of luck to get back into college, frankly. I understand the need to be with your family, but don't just walk away. Set something up, as Asa and Nem suggested, where you can take some time to be with your family, and then come back to finish things up.
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Allicat



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 1391
Location: Back in the Shire.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 6:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks guys. I appreciate the help and you do make good points. I've had a word with my lecturers and they say if I need to shoot home at any point they'll understand. I have a mitigating circumstances form on standby in case I do need to take a week out or something. I have tonight off so I'm going to ring home and have a big chat with my folks. It's going to be a fun final year.
I really really appreciate your help. It means a lot to me.
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 10:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*hugs* We're more thank just words on the pages, Alli. If you ever need someone to talk to privately, you can always send one of us a PM. I think you're an incredibly strong person to be holding up and moving forward under such circumstances, and you really are taking the right decisions in hand. You can do it, and we'll be here for you all the way.
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Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
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If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 12:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

All of what Asa said, and then some. I like to think that the people on this forum are more than just random bits of 1's and 0's. The names here mean something, as much as my friends from local sources.

That said, I'm glad you have plans in place. It sounds like you'll be alright, that you have it all well in hand. Or, well, as well as it can be in hand...

Don't give up. That's the biggest thing. Like Asa said, you're already showing your strength by being a totem of support for your family in their time of need. So, if you need a totem of support, we'll be here.
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. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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Tinu.



Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Posts: 3690
Location: The land of dreams

PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 12:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can't really add anything to what's already been said. We're here if you need us, and our thoughts and prayers are with you. *hugs*
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Allicat



Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 1391
Location: Back in the Shire.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2010 12:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It feels like I've known you all personally for years, yet I've never met you. I love that when we do have problems the forum gathers round and forms a framework of support. Thank you all so much for being awesome!
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daydreamer_girl



Joined: 15 Apr 2008
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Location: Kaneedaaaa!!!

PostPosted: Wed Oct 13, 2010 11:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think what was needed to be said was said, so I won't add much more than good luck and you have my support here as well!
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Tinalles
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Joined: 22 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 14, 2010 5:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nem's right on target -- ask about a gap year, or if you've already started your final year, think of it as a few months.

He's also right about the ridiculously long holidays. I mean, Lancaster gave me more than FIVE WEEKS off for spring vacation the year I was there. I ran out of traveling money after a week and a half and spent the rest of the break teaching myself PHP ...
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