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Writer's Group 10: Ostranenie
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3532
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 6:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's so embarrassing. Is the Captain's opening pose also mine? Those are the only two bits I recognize.

I originally wrote a guess for the object but didn't want to ruin it so I deleted it. Finishing mine shortly.
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Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
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spellingmistax



Joined: 28 Jul 2009
Posts: 615
Location: Asa took this ^ I stole it ^_^

PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 7:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am well late, I will continue to be ‘well late’ until Wednesday evening at the earliest. I am still stuck for ideas and I have to ask for an extension until then. Please sir may I have some more?
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"He gave you a life and you should cherish that treasure." - Benny

while Udina asked the usual inane civilian things that came about while under attack: "What's happening? Who is shooting at us? I'm squishy and not wearing armor and I'm a liability, get me to safety, etc.
dubbed Anthrax by Asa
Spellingmistax = mistax = ax = anthrax
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Maeniel



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1080
Location: Next to Waldo

PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 8:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll extend till Wednesday evening. Wink I leave for work by 8am on Thursday, so it should be up before then!
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 9:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

@Asa: Maaaaybe. <_< >_>

You reminded me of a character in Jack McDevitt's novels, what with your focus on what you were studying. The fact that you defied safety in the name of curiosity reminded me of... any number of scientific minds I've known. It all clicked into a "The Captain" character, though I think it came from the starting point of that opening line in the story. ^^
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Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3532
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 10:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It wasn't THAT precarious! Now, if you'd have pushed me, that would've been different.

Okay. The ostranenie in my story is a little bit different. Actually... I think I'll do this a bit differently. Hang on *goes off to edit a few things*

Okay, here's the link to it on fictionpress, since it's three pages long and that's a bit much to read here on the forum.

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2770725/1/

this that and the other thing
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.


Last edited by Asa on Mon Feb 01, 2010 10:28 pm; edited 1 time in total
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spellingmistax



Joined: 28 Jul 2009
Posts: 615
Location: Asa took this ^ I stole it ^_^

PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 10:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you
_________________
"He gave you a life and you should cherish that treasure." - Benny

while Udina asked the usual inane civilian things that came about while under attack: "What's happening? Who is shooting at us? I'm squishy and not wearing armor and I'm a liability, get me to safety, etc.
dubbed Anthrax by Asa
Spellingmistax = mistax = ax = anthrax
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 11:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The only thing I dislike about the WG is that now I have to choose. Hah! @_@ Ax, looking forward to yours. Smile
_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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spellingmistax



Joined: 28 Jul 2009
Posts: 615
Location: Asa took this ^ I stole it ^_^

PostPosted: Wed Feb 03, 2010 11:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have mine written, but I am not to sure about it. I would appreciate a quick second opinion on it if anyone is willing to do so, if not I'll post it as an edit in this post in about 4 hours.

EDIT:
Currently under review please bear with me. (It is not worth the wait but I want my vote. Very Happy )
_________________
"He gave you a life and you should cherish that treasure." - Benny

while Udina asked the usual inane civilian things that came about while under attack: "What's happening? Who is shooting at us? I'm squishy and not wearing armor and I'm a liability, get me to safety, etc.
dubbed Anthrax by Asa
Spellingmistax = mistax = ax = anthrax


Last edited by spellingmistax on Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:06 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Tenshi



Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Wed Feb 03, 2010 3:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's a bit after 4 hours by my clock, but if you're still looking for that second opinion I'll review it for you. My email follows:

Code:
infinityomega (at) gmail (dot) com

_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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spellingmistax



Joined: 28 Jul 2009
Posts: 615
Location: Asa took this ^ I stole it ^_^

PostPosted: Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

An extract from the lecture ‘The Values of our Past’ by Dr Fiksh’n Monnikar

…culturally it was an almost universal system in one form or another for a very long part of the world’s history. A method I found which may help you to understand this rather alien concept is to view it as a universal delusion. You need to believe that a disc made of base metals is no mere trinket, but that it holds an equal importance to something of far more practical and/or immediate use, and that this delusion is shared by everyone else for virtually every thing else. While this is a gross oversimplification it should help you to understand how those who used this system on a day to day basis would have viewed it. As it was so prevalent in most societies it is doubtful that they even thought much about it. Much like we would not think twice about greeting a friend with a hello or a handshake.

In this lecture I will be focusing on the change from, what I will refer to as its ‘hard’ form, when their ‘trinkets’ were accorded a specific value in relation to a rare metal that was universally held has having a high worth, (the most common metal used for this purpose being Au 79), to when the ‘value’ of these things became truly theoretical and divorced from any relationship, no matter how tenuous, to anything that physically existed in the world. It is hard to say exactly when this happened but I can confidently state that it was between…
___________________________________________________________
With special thanks to Tenshi. Hope I didn't disappoint you.
_________________
"He gave you a life and you should cherish that treasure." - Benny

while Udina asked the usual inane civilian things that came about while under attack: "What's happening? Who is shooting at us? I'm squishy and not wearing armor and I'm a liability, get me to safety, etc.
dubbed Anthrax by Asa
Spellingmistax = mistax = ax = anthrax
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Maeniel



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1080
Location: Next to Waldo

PostPosted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 12:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Voting time! Smile Just message me with the subject "WG Vote" and your vote for the best piece! Smile
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Talps



Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 134
Location: Merrie olde Englande

PostPosted: Tue Feb 09, 2010 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am now back from my holiday Sad
And I've just caught up and read everyone's entry Very Happy

Asa, t'was quite a good concept. I liked the whole thing of these two societies next door to each other, each unable to understand the other. Though I think you were a little heavy on description at times. You can relent a bit and let the reader paint the picture for themselves a little!
On another note,
Quote:
her clean shoes were soon covered in mud and dirt

That's kinda like saying a person walked along the beach picking up pebbles and stones. Razz


Ax, I thought yours was a little heavy on jargon; I had a really hard time understanding it. I got a rough idea of what it's about but only barely, which is a shame.
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3532
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 1:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I tend to agree with you, Talps, but the point of the initial iteration was the description. It was actually written to the rhythm of a Santana piece (can't remember the name), so 'Jungle' is prescripted - it has to be that way. I also wrote it many years ago, and my writing style has changed and improved. I added 'The Ship' to update it for the WG.

Regarding your second note: Yes, I know - but as I said, the initial point was to show you exactly what I wanted you to see.



Mane, can we say voting is done now...?
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
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View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Maeniel



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1080
Location: Next to Waldo

PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 2:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes we can! Sorry about that; my life is a whirlwind right now, and I tend to forget things. (I tend to forget them anyways...but moreso now. =\ )

But after all your votes, Tenshi is the winner! Congrats! Smile
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3532
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 3:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Congrats, Usa!

So, can you tell us what the item is now? ^_~
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
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