[YatesOfYore]

Asa needs to stop putting things down on the bus! And I really liked your comments about wanting to be a hero but not able to contemplate being a person, Tenshi. Very profound.

Today I put up my Christmas tree. Lights and star are up, but no other decorations yet. I don't know how many I'll be putting on it this year... or rather, which ones I'll put up out of Charlie's reach.

That tree may just end up only having the top 2 feet decorated.
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Keeper of Nanashi's Vambraces and the Amethyst Trees.

PS: Don't panic! I changed my username - I'm not an impostor!

[Tenshi]

@The Lady: Since I ran out of medication, I've had about a dozen people tell me that I've been saying deeply, amazingly profound things. I think it comes from the way my mind works. It tends to be rather morose, but deeply concentrated on thinking about life in all it's capacity. From grocery shopping to world health, from subconscious tasks to heroic altruism. Ah, well.

Today I saw the movie adaptation of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I have to say, that's a brilliant, brilliant movie. "Cheeky mice".. hehe.

"That's a good answer."

I think Mr. Adams had it in one, really. The question we all have is "What is the answer to life?", isn't it? Don't we go through life with just that goal, to find the one true answer to all things? I would profess that most of my own life has been searching for this "deep meaning", and that I spend no small amount of time on that goal. At least, I did until several years ago, when I realized I was simply asking the wrong question.

For the longest time, I thought that the meaning of life was truly the question. Like almost anyone who seeks that question out, the problem becomes a matter of satisfaction. After all, if the meaning of life were say "really good tea", would anyone accept that? It would be considered a farce, comedy. Instead of readily believing that this was the answer, we would discard it in search of something. So what makes a "good answer" then?

If I had to quantify this unknown answer, I would do so with the following qualities.

Quality #1: It would have to have a moment of profound meaning. That is to say, when I heard this answer I should have no doubt in my mind that this was, in fact, the answer I had sought. It should shake me to my core, and hold me tight under the cold shower of realization. I should feel simultaneously afraid and enlightened, empowered and belittled by this answer.

Quality #2: It should have no properties of doubt about it. That is to say, there should be no viable counter argument which held water in any substantial way other than a person's own belief. If logic or reason could not be brought to bear on this answer's validity, then only ignorance could defeat it. Ignorance, of course, is not a valid measure of a question's greatness. Or at least, it shouldn't be.

Quality #3: The answer should be one that, in translation to other languages or cultures, loses none of it's power.

So I set about trying to find an answer with all of these qualities. At first I thought that it was something I had as a deep internal drive as a young man. To gain dominion, or control. Not necessarily over others, but over myself. To be a master of my own castle, as it were, and to be strong where no others could be.

The problem with this line of thinking is that, to build up such a level of internal strength one must make sacrifices. These sacrifices tend to be the same walls built for strength. They make excellent walls, so excellent in fact that they keep other people outside of them just as much as they keep you tall within them. This was not my answer, for even as strong as it made me, it make me lonely and sorrowful.

Next I imagined that this answer must have something to do with companionship. Perhaps the measure of a man's success in life was truly by the wealth of his friends. But then, what should you consider wealth? Would it be in the number, or in the quality of these friends? Should a man with a hundred people he knows vaguely be richer or poorer than a man with a half dozen intimately close friends? Obviously this one did not work, for the difficulty in comparison.

Then I thought, well it must have to do with altruism. The answer to enlightenment, that must have something to do with giving of yourself to others. Just look in history at all the people we consider great, all of them were altruists to some degree. Even today there's such an appreciation (even if grudging) for charitable souls, surely this has to be the answer to life. The "meaning" behind it all.

It just didn't work out that way. Were we all to be charitable, then we would find ourselves living in a constant state of ownershiplessness (if that word makes any sense). Nothing would be anybody's, and if we all possessed absolutely nothing, then there would be nothing to give. The concept of altruism breaks down on the grand scale, to the point where really only a small percentage of people can be charitable without the entire system grinding to a rather fortunate (for a time) halt.

So what did that leave? If it's not greed, if it's not charity, if it's not kindness or love, what could it be? Was the meaning of life really, truly and simply, to reproduce and die? It seemed so void of meaning or life, so trivial. Were that the case, then all of human existence meant... well, nothing!

I thought further on this matter, letting it dwell in the back of my mind as I went through life. I gained and lost friends, I gained and lost strength and power. I was charitable, and had charity given to me. Though all of this gave to the rise and fall of my state, I could never say that any one thing was "it".

Then it became clear, as clear as anything ever had been in life and then ten times more. The answer to the ultimate question, the answer to "Why are we here?" and "What is life's purpose?" was really quite simple after all. Happiness. And however one finds that, thought I do have a few suggestions to that effect.

For me it was love. I only ever felt this maybe twice in my life, and was truly blessed with them both. Love is not given a proper description in this social age, I fear. When we say "I love you", do we do it with an empty meaning? To the answer I had found, love was a much deeper thing. Love was a series of fundamental, core components.

There was trust, a trust so deep and complete that there would be no doubt within it. Were this person I loved to tell me that the moon were made of cheese, then I would honestly consider this as fact. I would seek to find out why, and how, it were made of cheese. I would not simply assume they were foolish, I would believe they had good reason to believe so.

There was honesty. Absolutely, among no circumstances, did I feel I needed to not be myself. In all that I was, in every flaw and weakness, I felt them strengthen me. Where I was weak, and desired no more than to lay my head on their knees and simply to rest, that was exactly the sort of compassion they would give. I could be as weak or as strong as I was, and as foolish or brilliant as I tended to be.

And in that same sense, they were my opposite and equal in identical measures. Neither afraid to tell me when I was foolish, nor too callous to set aside their troubles for me in a moment of my own weakness. I would return this, this deep and honest love for another being, as often as I were able to do so.

In that, I found the answer. The answer, simply enough to me, was Love. To find that other being, that completion to my soul. That was the truth behind it all, the real meaning to existence.

And perhaps to have tasted it now, and be without it, perhaps that is the greatest ache of all. I think that once you have found your happiness, so full and complete that it permeates all moments of life, that to be without it is utterly and completely... well, lonely. Without the meaningful nature of a true love, there seems so little (if any) point in the mundane daily routine of dating.

Mm... yeah, I think Douglas Adams had it right.

Today, I'm dizzy and off balance. My vision is a bit blurry, and I feel fat. I need a shave. And a haircut. Feh..

Today I feel like I'm channeling Nemerlian Philosophy.. X_X
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. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton

[Nem]

That was a long read ^___^

[Asa]

[TheBritishInvasion]

Today I was almost late for my lecture, I blame the bus company. No, really it's their fault. The weekly tickets that they sell are £11 and some of the drivers won't make change or can't. Unfortunately, cash machines don't give change so I had to go to the shop and buy some catfood that we don't need just so I could give the bus driver a pound.

I'll stop ranting about the buses now, I doubt anyone wants to hear me go on about them but there are so many complaints I could make about public transporation in this city.

Today I am pleased to announce that my parents are cutting back on their drinking. I know alcohol is one of the 'no no' topics but I'd just like to say that I'm really happy about this and I hope they can keep it up.

Today I am doing the finishing touches of the essay due tomorrow and then I never want to think about it again.
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Britland as dubbed by AsA
Avatar courtesy of Footloose
Keeper of Tengu's electricity and Willow's 'what did you just say' eyes.

[Nem]

Today I have absolutely no idea what the heck is going on with my essay feedback, 'It's not a normal prose essay' Wah? It's in verse, or metrical composition? Clearly it's not either of those.

GRERRAAGGAGHH. God, I don't know how to do this stuff! What're you meant to argue with, what're you meant to do, what do they want from you?

You don't usually write essays like this do you?

Well yes, yes I do. It's worked well enough for the last five years and throwing around empty terms as if you imbue them with some magical extra meaning from the realm of personal make believe and manage to hand this out to those listening does absolutely nothing to help.

*Hair pull*

*childish foot stamping*

<_<

>_>

Can't help feeling there's something I'm meant to have learned somewhere, some vital component that would make everything make sense. A way to reseat this world of dreams.

Maybe I'm just going nuts >_> You do wonder sometimes. Are other people even reading what you think you wrote, does it just appear to make sense to you; or have you actually used other terms without knowing? Are you even following logical sequences of thought any more, or have you broken down somewhere - lost the thread of living?
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Never forget,
We stroll along the roof of hell
Gazing at flowers.
- Issa

[TheBritishInvasion]

Today I make another today thread post.

Nem, that reminds me of one of my teachers in college, whatever I wrote he'd just say "add more depth" I didn't really understand what that meant and whatever else I added to it he'd just keep saying "add more depth."

Today I received a rejection letter but I'm actually a little happy about it because the agent suggested some changes to the manuscript. She didn't actually say to send it back to her after I've made the changes but it's a lot better than a standard rejection letter.
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Britland as dubbed by AsA
Avatar courtesy of Footloose
Keeper of Tengu's electricity and Willow's 'what did you just say' eyes.

[Tinu.]

Today I learned that I only have a week of math left. Then I'm done. Forever*. I'm so happy I could cry.

*Unless whichever college I transfer to demands I take Pre Cal. I don't even want to consider that possibility.
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Keeper of Gaia and all the books on Earthsong

"If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing it is stupid."
~Einstein

[Magus Gar Kan]

Today I fell asleep in class, fortunately my voice recorder did not.
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Dubbed Marcus by Asa
Magus Gar Kan = Magus = Margus = Marcus

"Nothing is predictable in regards to humans, save for their infuriating ability to do the unexpected."

I'm not dead, just lurking and very very tired.

[Maeniel]

Today, I'm despairing at internship opportunities. =\
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Keeper of Zaebos' and Jormand's powers.

[Tyris]

[Miho]

Today I do not like dell.

My computer is mostly dead.

I don't think I will be joining D&D anytime soon, unless I can get this fixed.


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I can't remember....oh *le sigh*

[Tinalles]

What's wrong with it, Miho?
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Keeper of The Remnant Minuon (cognomen Lucy, the Eaten One) and the Emissary Caeli

[daydreamer_girl]

[Miho]