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Mismatched Stitches

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Joined: 11 Apr 2008
Posts: 438
Location: Wouldn't you like to know.

PostPosted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 10:56 pm    Post subject: Mismatched Stitches Reply with quote

Read aloud. Please.

If I was brave enough I would just preform this piece and post video.
But I'm not. But I tell you here and now, there is much feeling when this is read.

So poem:

One stitch here.
One stitch there.
Ben Franklin said it worked in time.
Said it would save 9.
From what?
My best guess:
Probably from 7.
Never once did Ben say anything about the socks.
Brand new, they come as two.
Two as one.
Theyíre a pair.
Delicious and warm.
Snuggled and intimate.
Once I felt like a sock.
Picked up dirt and sweat.
Got used.
And to get cleaned.
Into the dirty laundry I went.
After the dryer, I lost that mass of threads that was my pair.
Socks get lonely too.
Donít dare tell me they donít.
Iíve seen them in drawers, passed up because werenít whole.
Only one now.
Three dogs told us that was the loneliest number.
Do the ones of the binary community, do they feel the same?
That one sock-
it sighs
and haws
and hems.
That one sock knows itís all alone.
That one sock dreams of a reunion.
Itís a pretty penny.
That one sock wonders about itís molecular structure.
It believes in osmosis.
That one sock, has bigger dreams than me and you, kiddo.
Believe it.
It believes in miracles and in hope.
It believes in second chances.
That sock.
That there, lonely sock, sitting in the very back of the drawer.
That one.
Itís gonna go far.
Just one day on a foot, thatís all it needs.
One day.
Socks get lonely too, ya know.
Donít dare tell they donít.
I dare you.
I can't remember....oh *le sigh*
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Joined: 25 Sep 2009
Posts: 12
Location: hatU|Utah

PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 7:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

uhm, please record this? I dont think reading it aloud would convey the same emotion as if it were performed by the author. I really like your poetry Miho
~Durtan, the previously un-dubbed keeper of squiggles~
I need a Legere #4 reed, anyone want to send me one via the blogotubes?
~~Dubbed BenHur by Asa~~~~~~~~
~~Durtan = Durham = Hur = BenHur~
~~But Hur for short~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Joined: 29 Nov 2009
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 10:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Poetry appreciation really isn't my thing, but I'll giving feedback.

This is a nice poem opening, repetition catching the eye of the reader.
I'm not quite sure what you're referring to when you mention Ben Franklin, though.
Instead of "9" and "7", I think using "nine" and "seven" would be more appropriate for a poem.
A break between the lines "Snuggled and intimate" and "Once I felt like a sock" might be nice.
Very good imagery in the next few lines.
Another break between lines "After the dryier...." and "Socks get lonely too." would be nice.
I also don't quite understand the "Three dogs" reference. Others might.
I think "molecular structure" doesn't really belong in a poem like this; it makes me suddenly think of chemistry and scientists, not feelings of loss, unless that was your intention.
And then another break between "One day." and "Socks get lonely..." could be nice.

Anyway, overall, not bad. The rhythm is pretty good. The emotions are well conveyed. Your use of sound is ok, but could be better. You use an interesting metaphor very nicely. And I second Durtan's plea for you to record it.
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Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 12:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now I feel like quite a tool
"molecular structure" has become uncool
Yes, science-minded I must admit
But in her poem, the words, they just fit!


Miho, I love your poem. I'm a very forgiving poetry reader, myself. I like quirky changes in subject matter (comes from listening to poetry slams), and so the shift between intellect and child-like innocence is not jarring in the least to me. The beat is there, though all poetry cries out to be read aloud by it's author. Your imagery is very good, very clear.

Overall, I like it! I would see you in a coffee house behind a microphone any day of the week. Laughing
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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