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Feaelen

Joined: 09 Apr 2008 Posts: 257 Location: The pink Vortex of Doom (aka Victoria, BC)
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Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 12:11 am Post subject: Spring 'poem' |
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Spring
The world is dancing all around
with one leg up and one leg down
The wind will gale and sing a sound
while pixies leap upon the ground
The flowers hark and up they bound
when spring breaks forth and all abound
written March 05, 2009 @ 00h10
So here's the deal on the above "poem", critique away but lets just call a spade a spade. I'm no poet but sometimes i have no choice but write the words i hear in my head lest i not get to sleep. Rarely happens usually it's drawings, but darn those Pixies. Anyways, wasn't following any rhyme or reason despite the somewhat flow of the poem. _________________ ---
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." - Herm Albright
Thieli WIP
Apparently I missed finding the new keepership thread and thus missed out on what i was origionaly keeper of [Willow's Journal and K'Thonya's new made sword [old itteration of Earthsong's archive]] |
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Tenshi

Joined: 18 Apr 2008 Posts: 2594 Location: Star Stuff
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Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 12:22 am Post subject: |
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Oh, dear, sweet babies. Feaelen posting in the writer's category? I've got to make sure my End of the World Supply® is up to snuff!
Back to the topic at hand, though... I like the poem, actually. It's short, but I'd not fault you for that. I like the fact that it doesn't follow the lyrical bracketing I find myself stuck into, yet maintains a continuing ending to each sentence (which is "oun" and not "nd").
The imagery is pretty provocative, and reminiscent of springtime as well. I could really envision this being sung around a fire at some spring solstice... _________________ . Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords
"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton |
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