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Spring 'poem'

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Joined: 09 Apr 2008
Posts: 257
Location: The pink Vortex of Doom (aka Victoria, BC)

PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 12:11 am    Post subject: Spring 'poem' Reply with quote

The world is dancing all around
with one leg up and one leg down
The wind will gale and sing a sound
while pixies leap upon the ground
The flowers hark and up they bound
when spring breaks forth and all abound

written March 05, 2009 @ 00h10

So here's the deal on the above "poem", critique away but lets just call a spade a spade. I'm no poet but sometimes i have no choice but write the words i hear in my head lest i not get to sleep. Rarely happens usually it's drawings, but darn those Pixies. Anyways, wasn't following any rhyme or reason despite the somewhat flow of the poem.
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." - Herm Albright
Thieli WIP

Apparently I missed finding the new keepership thread and thus missed out on what i was origionaly keeper of [Willow's Journal and K'Thonya's new made sword [old itteration of Earthsong's archive]]
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Joined: 18 Apr 2008
Posts: 2594
Location: Star Stuff

PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 12:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, dear, sweet babies. Feaelen posting in the writer's category? I've got to make sure my End of the World Supply® is up to snuff!

Back to the topic at hand, though... I like the poem, actually. It's short, but I'd not fault you for that. I like the fact that it doesn't follow the lyrical bracketing I find myself stuck into, yet maintains a continuing ending to each sentence (which is "oun" and not "nd").

The imagery is pretty provocative, and reminiscent of springtime as well. I could really envision this being sung around a fire at some spring solstice...
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton
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