[Asa]

'Kay, so I wrote mine.

[Allicat]

Quick spelling niggle: first line it should be breath, not breathe.

Oh I like! As a singer myself I feel that pain of the eternal moment before the applause starts and you've caught it well. Not so fond of the ending. Personally I'd leave the uncertainty there as to whether the audience liked it or not, but on the whole a marvellous capture of the moment.
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He who does not eat cheese will go mad. ~ French proverb.

Keeper of the fallen leaves. 'Cos they're still pretty.

[Asa]

Ah, but remember that this is still the same moment. The audience hasn't started applauding yet, but the singer herself knows that she was a success, no matter what the reaction. I can try and reword it, though.

Thanks for the first bit.
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Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

[Magus Gar Kan]

All I can really say is very nice. I like how it is a moment in time, but also an internal monologue.

As a matter of personal taste there are some phrases that I think could have been shortened. However, that would have defeat the purpose of writing prose.
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Dubbed Marcus by Asa
Magus Gar Kan = Magus = Margus = Marcus

"Nothing is predictable in regards to humans, save for their infuriating ability to do the unexpected."

I'm not dead, just lurking and very very tired.

[Tenshi]

Cripes, I had this all written up when Firefox crashed. I'll try and re-write it at work tonight. -sigh-
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. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton

[Tenshi]

((I'm not used to writing in (mostly) the first person. Let me know if you catch errors, as isn't' that the point of WG's? I should mention this isn't a single moment in time, but all of this occurred (given the speed of the rapids) within two or three seconds.))

Torrents of water smashed against a dozen jagged rocks, sending a plume of spray ten feet in the air. Droplets of water glistened as they hung in mid-air, suspended far away from the ground they raced toward. A roar from the surf echoed again and again, growing more distant as the moment stretched on. A panicked, fear-filled face emerged from the spray with arms outstretched, frozen mid-scream.

My stomach turned, my muscles tensed. Nothing happened. A thousand thoughts and actions ran through my head all at once, yet I heard none of them. A second passed, and inch out of a mile, as the spray lowered itself gently into the coming waves. Slick rubber sides of a raft emerged atop the sharp rocks as the water receded, preparing for another surge.

"Help me!" the scream was shrill, spoken with unmoving and open lips from the frightened face. The current drug, pulled against the paddle I had shoved between rocks. It pulled my raft with an unstoppable force, dragging me through and away. As I neared, I knew I had the one chance. Just the one.

And eon passed, my stomach turned. The face followed me, eyes glistening with tears. My hand slid from it's death grip on the paddle, sliding through the silent air until it was beside my raft. I knew I would run right against the rocks, right against the other raft. I had pushed myself in, and now I would shoot right by.

The current pulled harder, the river dipping beneath me. I realized I wouldn't be turning back for my partner. With unblinking eyes I watched the nylon handles emerge from the spray covering the rubber raft's side. Patiently, as if there were any other choice in the long minutes between breaths, I waited for the moment.

A steady roar built, the momentum of the river building quickly. With a snap of some unseen magician's fingers, everything moved with the speed of a hurricane. I swung my hand down, fingertips raking the nylon handle... and slipping past. Another wave crashed into the rocks, throwing my raft away. With a terrified scream, the young boy in the raft cried out.

Water parted around my hand, the thin liquid of the rapids sliding past like gelatin. The scream, the roar, the crash all echoed in some far distant place, far from where all this was happening. All I could stare at was the second handle. The last handle. The only handle, at this moment. My arm trembled, pushing back against the force that held it. Moments lasted for hours, and everything happened in a slow-motion time delay. This time, I didn't lose focus. This time I was patient.

My fingers sunk around the handle, elbow half bent. I tucked my thumb beneath the nylon, against my fingers and held for all I was worth. With a roar the river pulled me with all it's might, and the waves crashed against my hand viciously. Screams flowed back to me last, and I opened my mouth to offer that it was okay. I just hadn't expected the pain.

My arm straightened as the river pulled me away, and then suddenly everything felt out of place. Fingers tingling, elbow aching, and shoulder going completely numb, I watched as my raft jerked to and fro against the current. The raft I held on to tightly moved half an inch against the rocks.

"Push with your paddle!" I cried out, the pain reaching into my eyes and forcing tears out of them. Fire shot through my veins, out from my chest and down my arm. My fingertips burned, touching some invisible oven. I could not let go. I would not. I refused.

"PUSH!" I yelled, closing my eyes. The entire world fell away, and all that remained was the fire coursing through my arm. I felt my fingers move, the pressure on them lessening for a moment. Again the fire resumed, and with a breathless whisper I begged, pleaded one more time. "Push."

Then the pressure was gone, the roar and the crash fading quickly from memory. My fingers ached, gripping tightly to the nylon handle for all they were worth. As if to heal them, a hand settled onto my forearm. A small hand, gentle hand. I opened my eyes, and we were free. Floating down the river once more, still connected by my arm stretched between the two rafts.
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. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton

[Maeniel]

Three more days till the deadline, Outasync!
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Keeper of Zaebos' and Jormand's powers.

[Allicat]

An interesting piece Tenshi, if a little confusing. You've got some good descriptions in there, but I wasn't entirely sure what the situation was until the very end. I thought initially that someone had fallen in, then I thought that maybe the current was taking them into the wrong part of the river. It wasn't till the last four paragraphs that I realised that the other person was stuck on the rocks.

Also, the current dragged, not drug in the third paragraph.
_________________
He who does not eat cheese will go mad. ~ French proverb.

Keeper of the fallen leaves. 'Cos they're still pretty.

[Maeniel]

Send your votes via PM with the subject line "WG Vote." Thanks!
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Keeper of Zaebos' and Jormand's powers.

[Tenshi]

I'm having a lot of trouble deciding, actually...

One thing I noticed, though perhaps this is just because I dislike my own work almost religiously, is that shorter pieces tend to captivate much more readily. Proper dramatic pacing and strong language is required to "hook" the reader, but if done correctly a shorter piece is more compelling.

Verbosity is not my friend today. ^_^;

(Will PM you my vote tonight from work, Maen)
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. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton

[Allicat]

Who won this in the end? I just remembered it today!
_________________
He who does not eat cheese will go mad. ~ French proverb.

Keeper of the fallen leaves. 'Cos they're still pretty.

[Maeniel]

I was waiting so long for votes that I forgot about this, too! :O!

With the votes that I got, Alli won!
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Keeper of Zaebos' and Jormand's powers.

[Asa]

Congrats, Alli!
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

[Allicat]

Oh, wheeee! Thanks guys
_________________
He who does not eat cheese will go mad. ~ French proverb.

Keeper of the fallen leaves. 'Cos they're still pretty.

[Tenshi]

Congrats, and well deserved.
_________________
. Dubbed "Usagi" by AsA .
Keeper of the Siderean Swords

"If by chance some day you're not feeling well, and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done, and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled."
Red Skelton