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Writer's Group 7: AHH!! Real Monsters!
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theBSDude



Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 1800
Location: The boring part of Washington

PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 3:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here it is, I'm thinking about adding a bit more to the part about legends, though.



Do you know why vampires donít come out in the daytime? No, they donít burst into flames or any-$#*! like that. And they donít {@#< sparkle, thatís stupid.

They stay hidden until nightfall for the same reasons as werewolves, goblins, and trolls. Because of us.

The sun isnít their weakness: itís our advantage. Nobody sees better than a human in daylight, especially an advantage when no other race is as good with guns as we are.

Itís been that way pretty much forever. Started with way back with rocks, ya know. Even in the days of hunter-gatherers, we had a distinct advantage over every other intelligent life form. And itís just grown.

True, we donít have a great record in one-on-one, hand-to-claw, and, despite decent hearing, our lack of any real sense of smell makes us pretty pathetic in the dark. So, if we only have an advantage for 50% of the day (yearly average), why are we the dominant race? Because, during the daytime, human superiority is undisputed, but during the night, four different races compete, and thatís not even counting night-owl humans (like me) that became major players with the advent of electric lights.

Enough about this $#*! though, what do they look like? for those who donít know. We live in a grand age of tolerance now, but centuries (millennia?) of adaptation (and latent racism) mean that most of the Others arenít comfortable (or even awake) in the day, so a fair number of you reading this are unfamiliar with at least one of the Other races.

Vamps: Elves. Thatís really all there is to say: Elves with pointy teeth.

Wolves: furry ears, big canine teeth, tend to have slightly bigger hands and slightly longer feet than us.

Gobbies: smaller teeth than us, actually, and long fingers. And of course, the Yoda ears, but, without the hair. Thatíd be... really gross on the chicks.

Trolls: these guys blend pretty well with humans, just bigger molars, lower fine-motor skill, and tend to be tall and stocky. Good linebackers, and actually very good accountants.

Most of the legends are from ancient times, like vampire immortality. They live about ninety years, average, only a decade or so more than the rest of us, but theyíve got crazy resistance to disease and visible aging, so back when people married at 11 and died at 35, 90 years was like, five generations, at least. Stake-thru-the-heart: not a stake- a spear, the beginning of clear human dominance. Crosses: superstition fed by con-artists, like those ďget-out-of-purgatoryĒ thingies. Garlic: I mentioned earlier humans canít smell; weíre the only ones except trolls who can go near onions without getting a migraine. Silver bullets: this one never made sense to me; my only guess would be itís related to the ancient wolf superstition that sleeping with a silver chain around your neck would make your teeth rot.

All the races inter-breed easily enough. My... Ďgirlfriendí is a lynx, half-vamp/half-wolf. I say Ďgirlfriendí because, as a mixed couple, we canít legally marry, Ďthough the Canadian license in our fire-safe and my middle finger say otherwise.

Eah... that was kinda rantish. Iím not political, I swear. This seems like as good a spot as any to end the prologue, so... yeah.
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Asa



Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 3531
Location: Grammar Police HQ. Watch your language, I'm armed with the NYTimes Style Book AND Strunk and White!

PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 3:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

...?

That was my reaction to it. What's going on, why is your narrator so foul-mouthed, and what's the premise for this world? A prologue is supposed to answer a few of these things, not raise them.

It seems sort of along the same lines as mine, in that it doesn't actually introduce a character in interaction with another, it's just sort of an overview. What were you planning on doing with it?
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Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
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theBSDude



Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 1800
Location: The boring part of Washington

PostPosted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 4:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maeniel wrote:
Basically what I want you to do is create a species (or take one from myth) and put them in a setting and have them interact.

Oh. Oops.

Asa wrote:
[Why] is your narrator so foul-mouthed...?

...because I know tons of people who talk like that. I really just sort of make up a character and set 'em loose: this guy is normally laid back, but misconceptions about the Others is kind of a pet peeve so he's being very sarcastic.
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...In accordance with the prophesy.

TheBSDude, dubbed 'BS' by Asa and nicknamed 'Thebes.'
Keeper of the Tristam, The Amazing Non-Emo Vampire!(tm) and a Massive List of Webcomics.

"I'm like a ninja with no hopes or dreams." --Wally of Dilbert
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electricpanda



Joined: 03 Sep 2008
Posts: 608
Location: Smelbourne

PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 12:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Agreed: It was a good character portrait, but maybe less fitted to the brief.

Also, can I get an extension? My computer ate my half-written piece ad it won't be back from the repair shop for a couple of days. It's recoverable, though.
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theBSDude



Joined: 09 Jul 2008
Posts: 1800
Location: The boring part of Washington

PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 1:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I could try to come up with something that fits better.
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...In accordance with the prophesy.

TheBSDude, dubbed 'BS' by Asa and nicknamed 'Thebes.'
Keeper of the Tristam, The Amazing Non-Emo Vampire!(tm) and a Massive List of Webcomics.

"I'm like a ninja with no hopes or dreams." --Wally of Dilbert
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Maeniel



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1080
Location: Next to Waldo

PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 2:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll give you guys till the 14th. Smile
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electricpanda



Joined: 03 Sep 2008
Posts: 608
Location: Smelbourne

PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2008 2:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, much appreciated! Very Happy
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Tamir



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Posts: 1629
Location: Israel

PostPosted: Wed Dec 24, 2008 5:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I long since gave up on this, and it grew quiet as well. Sad I'm sorry.
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