Writer's Group 7: AHH!! Real Monsters!

Maeniel · Joined: 22 Mar 2008 Posts: 1052 Location: Next to Waldo

No worries--it fits the topic. Very Monsters Inc. Wink

As far as critique goes, you seem to spend most of your piece introducing characters and giving a slight backstory to them without really using them. I mean, sure, you used Madame Greetchnik as the registrar, but that back bit doesn't seem to matter much. Also not sure where you wanted to go with the 'monsters don't cry' bit. I was also confused on the classifications of Bed Monster/Bed Lurker/etc; at one point you say she hopes to be a Bed Lurker, then later on she wants to be a Bed Monster. Earlier on, you say that she is a Bed Monster, but Bed Lurker would be a better classification. Now, I realize that the former two are job categories and the latter two are stereotypes...but you may want to clear that up. Also a few grammar issues that you'll catch when you read it through again. Smile

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Keeper of Zaebos' and Jormand's powers.

Asa · Posted: Sun Nov 16, 2008 9:53 pm Post subject:

He's classified as a Bad Dream, but is more along the lines of a Bed Lurker. His dad (who he never knew) was probably a Closet Monster, based on Mirin's mix of characteristics (Nightmare/Closet Monster). He wants to be upgraded to Bed Lurker so he can do more scaring easier.

You know how surveys ask you whether you're Hispanic, African American, Caucasian, etc? Classifications here are sort of like the same thing, and the monster's job goes along with his specific set of skills that go with his type. Mostly, monsters are purebred, but some, like Mirin, are mutts, and then it gets complicated. Which is why he wants to be upgraded.

Eh... if I have to do this much explaining, maybe I should change it.

This was sort of rolling off my mind and onto the page freely... It's kind of a base for a whole world, which is why it's so loose. Do you think I should rewrite it to be more centered on Mirin? I'll probably also change his name. That one's sort of place-holder-ish.
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Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

Maeniel · Joined: 22 Mar 2008 Posts: 1052 Location: Next to Waldo

I think that would be fine. Smile

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Keeper of Zaebos' and Jormand's powers.

Asa · Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 9:21 am Post subject:

What would be fine? Rewriting it?
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Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

Maeniel · Joined: 22 Mar 2008 Posts: 1052 Location: Next to Waldo

Focusing more on Mirin and explaining the Bed Lurker/Bad Dream thing within the text. And I like Mirin as a name.
_________________
Keeper of Zaebos' and Jormand's powers.

Asa · Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 12:13 pm Post subject:

I don't, though. It's too... normal. And too silky.
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

Dark Mirf · Joined: 22 Apr 2008 Posts: 297

This ends on the 5th, right? I need few more days. x_x May I get few more days? I've been either busy or brain dead this week.
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Keeper of Gwendowlyn's red hair.

electricpanda · Joined: 03 Sep 2008 Posts: 608 Location: Smelbourne

What? I thought we still had, like, a week!

*spazzes out*
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Dubbed Pants by AsA, via the way of the electric pants.

Maeniel · Joined: 22 Mar 2008 Posts: 1052 Location: Next to Waldo

Nope! Ends December 10th. Smile

Will that be long enough for all of you?
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Keeper of Zaebos' and Jormand's powers.

theBSDude · Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 1:15 pm Post subject:

I... really doubt I'll have anything by then. I've been putting off dropping in case I came up with something, but I'm to preoccupied with another project to think about anything unconnected.

All that to say: Sorry, I'm gonna have to bail on this one.
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...In accordance with the prophesy.

TheBSDude, dubbed 'BS' by Asa and nicknamed 'Thebes.'
Keeper of the Tristam, The Amazing Non-Emo Vampire!(tm) and a Massive List of Webcomics.

"I'm like a ninja with no hopes or dreams." --Wally of Dilbert

Tamir · Joined: 22 Mar 2008 Posts: 1628 Location: Israel

I haven't given up yet, but I've also had no progress since the start. D=

Asa · Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 4:22 pm Post subject:

I've made zero progress since that first thing I posted, and at this point I'm just going to leave it. I'm inundated with finals and my final portfolio, which, while coming along nicely, isn't about imaginary creatures.

I'm glad I did post something though. Phew!
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

electricpanda · Joined: 03 Sep 2008 Posts: 608 Location: Smelbourne

That's a relief. Mine'll be up in the next couple of days, then Very Happy

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Dubbed Pants by AsA, via the way of the electric pants.

theBSDude · Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:07 pm Post subject:

I un-quit! Can I un-quit? I un-quit!

Inspiration kicked me in the nuts at 9:00 last night and I went from idea to writing in less than an hour (which never happens), then, after I went to bed, I had another flash of inspiration and whipped out a page and a half by hand (which I almost never do).

I'm... actually supposed to be working right now, but I needed to announce my un-resignation. I'm not sure when I'll have a chance to get it typed up, but it'll be before the tenth.

Whoo! I'm like flying on a writer's high right now.
_________________
...In accordance with the prophesy.

TheBSDude, dubbed 'BS' by Asa and nicknamed 'Thebes.'
Keeper of the Tristam, The Amazing Non-Emo Vampire!(tm) and a Massive List of Webcomics.

"I'm like a ninja with no hopes or dreams." --Wally of Dilbert

Asa · Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 2:39 pm Post subject:

Can I have some of that? I need it for class.
_________________
Self-styled Forum Grandmother, because I hand out nicknames and hugs whether you want them or not. ^_^

Keeper of the Library and the Gateway to Haven

Nem: "It's the sort of face you just know is getting ready to poke you with something sharp."
BS: "...then insist you eat a brownie."
__________________
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended...
Give me your hands if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.